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Is the Negotiating Style You’ve Witnessed in D.C. A Good Fit for You? You Have Choices.

Following the negotiations taking place in Washington D.C. for the past several weeks many with whom I work have been curious to understand what a good negotiation looks like. In particular they have become interested in what makes for the most successful style and approach in terms of reaching an agreement that they see as successful.

It’s a very interesting issue to consider because in so many ways and especially as related to our jobs, we have so many occasions to negotiate in order to achieve the direction we think something should go … or the salary we believe we should receive … or the position we desire to hold. As this has become a topic of coaching conversation recently I believe it to be something worthy of exploring for all of us.

ManagerDoor.com is an on-line organization that is a learning tool of relevant information for employees. In writing about negotiating they make these observations:

From awakening each day until we are again asleep our lives are filled with negotiations … be it navigating our way through traffic, asking for time off or a raise, or trying to coming to an agreement with our partners or children for something they or we want … we are in various states of negotiating.
Negotiating is a process that enables us to get what we want. It can be fast or can take a prolonged period of time.
Whereas some things for which we negotiate can be relatively simple and easy, others are critical as doing it right or wrong can have a big impact on us as an individual.
There are different styles of negotiating and although one may be more appropriate in a given case, using the wrong style can have a huge impact one on the outcome and the person doing it.

Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Killman have worked with many organizations in the area of conflict and the related resolution. As such they have identified five styles of resolution and involve negotiating to achieve whatever the intended goal that are widely accepted in the business world. These are:

Competing (I win – You lose)
This style of negotiation is best described as competitive. Negotiators using this style are looking out for their own needs. They use a variety of tactics to get what they want and their concern for the relationship is low.
Accommodating (I Lose – You Win)
This style of negotiation is all about the relationship and is the polar opposite of the Competing style. By giving everything to the other party one is hopeful that maybe in time they will do the same.
Compromising (I Lose / Win Some – You Lose/ Win Some)
The old adage ‘pick your battles’ applies here. This style values the relationship and acknowledges that there is a loss but it is better to compromise then completely lose. This style is common when the negotiating parties have a high level of trust between each other and there are time restrictions.
Collaborating (I Win – You Win)
Collaborative negotiators are innovators! They recognize that both parties have needs that must be met and take the time to find creative solutions to this common challenge.
Avoiding (I Lose – You Lose)
This style is a ‘passive aggressive style’. The user of this style is unassertive and uncooperative. They do not immediately pursue their own concerns or the other parties nor do they ever address the conflict. The adopters of this style won’t address the conflict yet they will seek ways of retribution.

All styles have advantages and risks. Sometimes one style may be more useful in certain situations than in others. In order to be the most effective negotiator, we must recognize our own tendency, assess as best as possible the counterpart’s style, and adjust our own to allow for smoother negotiations. While the collaborative style may not make sense in all negotiations, this mode can be especially effective with business situations because of the long-term nature of the relationships internally and externally, as well as the need for strong substantive negotiation outcomes.

As the above styles are generally accepted as the different ways to approach and conduct a negotiation there are also a choice of strategies. Chris Voss, the CEO of the Black Swan Group has identified them as such:

The Assertive is “win” oriented. Often direct and blunt to the point of being harsh. This type isgenerally lacking in empathy and sees time as money. They get big victories early on, but then burn people out. They ultimately drive people, relationships and opportunities away.
The Analyst is “win” oriented also, just not as “in-your-face”. They love data and detailed preparation. They view time as “as long as it takes to get it right”. They often seem cold and distant. They’re always prepared, or they won’t talk to you until they are. Their desire to prepare, not get overly rattled and think things through is an advantage.
The Accommodator is relationship oriented and the most likable. Being likeable is a great asset, needing to be liked is a great vulnerability. Voss quotes Stuart Diamond (author of Getting More) say people are six times more likely to make a deal with someone they like. This is no small edge.

Based on this information I’m not sure how I would classify the negotiations that have been and are continuing within our government in D.C. Of course we’re all individually hoping that things go as we would like them to go. And while we can’t have direct input to what happens, we can definitely use our observations to sensitize ourselves to the type of negotiation that we believe fits our own needs, personalities and style as well as assessing the other person with whom we are negotiating.

It appears that devoting some advance planning prior to launching a negotiation will have definite benefits In doing so we just may have increased the likelihood of our personally being successful in achieving whatever we pursue.
Mike Dorman

What’s the State of YOUR Union With Your Job?

By the time you are reading this those interested and who follow our government’s activities will have seen or at least heard about the president’s state of the Union address and the commentary from the

‘other side’ of the political spectrum. It let’s us in on an assessment of where we are and where we are headed as a country. And although we have a say via the ballot box every couple of years we must entrust where we are and where we are headed to those elected officials empowered to ‘run’ the business of governing this country.

That’s the USA. Yet what I became curious about is the value of assessing our own personal state of the union as it relates to us and, in particular, the jobs we have along with the work entrusted to and expected of us. It may not surprise many to realize that there are a significant number of people who go to work every Monday through Friday and simply fail to find a lot of pleasure in what they do. In fact, in coaching people with management or supervisory positions, it does surprise me, at least, to find so many who will candidly express their unhappiness with the likes of their work, the company and/or their co-workers. When asked why they seem so accepting of this state for themselves the responses I get are primarily these:

It is the money that gives me the life I want to live and that is the reason and necessity of why I work. Whether I like my job or not isn’t that important if it affords me to have the pleasures that I want to have.
There is nothing very exciting about the field I’m in and the nature of the work I do and therefore, I don’t expect it to be pleasurable or exciting. I knew what I was getting into when I picked this field and I’m good with that.
Where is it written that this thing called work is supposed to be fun? I work to earn the money that will enable me to have fun. Work is just that … work.

I’m not sure about you, however, when I hear these things my initial reaction is one of sadness and puzzlement. The sadness comes from believing that anyone is willing to settle for spending a third to a half of their waking hours doing something from which they get no direct pleasure or any real satisfaction. There is little doubt that if this is one’s view of their work hours their productivity, energy and enthusiasm are tremendously impacted … found at the lower end of the spectrum.

The puzzlement is derived from wondering why anyone would be willing to devote so much time working in an environment or doing a type of work that carries with it such negativity … almost as if they are resigned to this being their lot in life and not being deserving of anything better. The puzzle only becomes larger when one considers how today, with such a low rate of unemployment, chances are very good that another job is a good likelihood for those who are unhappy and unsatisfied with their current position.

To the extent I am successful in helping clients determine how they might turn their work and their job into a positive, becoming curious about it becomes step # 1 in enabling them to transform their outlook as related to the way they view these hours that make up such a large portion of their lives. Daniel Bortz as a contributor to Monster, the job search website, identified five things that one needs to have in order to be happy at work both in terms of what they do and where they do it as follows:

You need to feel accomplished
It is important that you know that what you are doing has a positive impact … on the project, department and/or company. If this isn’t clear then you must have conversations with those to whom you report to get that clarity and confirmation of the value of what you are doing.Ongoing check-ins is a way of maintaining this awareness.
You need positive reinforcement
Expressed appreciation for the work one does and the contribution to the overall success it makes isfuel to creating an ongoing desire to put forth the continual effort to do the very best one can. From some bosses this is free-flowing. From others it is not which simply means that it is dependent on us to go after it. Regardless, don’t deny the need for fuel and risk trying to run on empty.

You need to like your co-workers
Some might ask why this is important? I go to work and do my job and that’s what’s important isn’t it? The answer is sure, however, having good relationships with co-workers has shown to increase the likelihood of one being happy on and with their job by 2.5 times. Thus making the effort to create bonds with some co-workers by getting to know them and their interests inside and outside of the workplace has a real payoff in terms of the impact it has on your own satisfaction.

You need some level of autonomy
Knowing that you have some ability to make decisions as related to your particular work is proven to improve one’s happiness and enthusiasm for the job. Given the empowerment you have to do so allows you to feel the responsibility and ability to steer your own ship. Although this is not the norm in many work environments, to the extent one is determined to change their interpretation of ‘the job’ they can and should ask for this.

You need to be part of something that makes you proud
Feeling a sense of pride at various levels … the specific job you are working on … the overall organization and its’ culture … the importance of the work … these can all individually and collectively provide you with chest-thumping celebration. It makes you want to put out greater effort for the greater good.

Bortz concludes by saying that “Your job is so much more than a paycheck; it’s a place you go to improve your skill set, contribute to the greater good, and collaborate with other awesome people. If you get a sinking feeling whenever you think of your job, listen to your gut—it’s telling you something important that you should pay attention to.

So again I ask … What is the state of YOUR union with your job? I encourage all to give it the litmus test

and rather than settling because you lower your expectations of what a job should be and provide, change it either because you can successfully do so where you currently work or … go in search of a different organization wherein you can actually value getting to go to work every day and, by the way, earn the money that gives you the life you want to have.
Mike Dorman

It Doesn’t Require a Shutdown to Go Above and Beyond at Work

As I write this blog we are in the 31^st day of a government shutdown … one that immediately impacted some 800,000 people by either putting them on furlough or expecting them to work without pay in order to allow various government services to continue operating for the benefit and safety of all Americans.

And whereas I believe … no, I know … that this will end somehow and sometime, it immediately brought to mind the people I have met and with whom I’ve worked who think nothing of going above and beyond what they know as their ‘job description’. Of course there is a difference in that in the government’s case, this going above and beyond has been imposed on people whereas those I recall and encounter have made a personal choice. Following my curiosity, I thought it of value to explore what this looks like in its’ simplest form that becomes a personal value to some.

There is no question that being the ‘giver’ who is always willing and available to go the extra mile can bring with it real benefits to those inclined to jump in. As perhaps you have experienced or seen others

experience this, taking on that extra work creates a positive impression that can pay off handsomely when it comes to raises and promotions. And still there is moderation wherein one can do this without incurring the wrath of others around who may see this as another just being a showoff.

Katie Douthwaite Wolf has identified four basic and straight-forward ways that a person can go above and beyond and create the related positives for that person and the organization … without going over the top. They are:

Put Feedback Into Action
Truly begin listening to feedback you get from a manager and co-workers as a means of striving to continually improve and actually use it. When suggestions are made as to how you might do something differently ‘next time’ incorporate that into your ‘next time’. It’s always impressive when your actions demonstrate some serious listening to input.

Anticipate Needs
From a manager’s standpoint nothing is nicer to hear than “I’ve actually already started on that”. It means that instead of waiting for him or her to ask you to do something, you’ve already thought of it and taken action. Certainly the longer you work your position you come to know what doing the particular job or task looks like and what is needed to do it successfully. You simply have to use past learning to allow you to apply it to future tasks without being told … again … to do something you know well.

Bring Your Ideas to the Table
One can easily think that it is someone else’s job to identify improvements to the system or taskbeing done. However, no one else may be doing the precise parts of it that you do and thus, no one else might be as qualified to determine changes to the system that could significantly improve the efficiency or functionality of that job as you The leader most often wants to know about thoughts or ideas that can improve a process or an outcome. When this person is presented with a thought-out and logical plan you show yourself to be prepared, innovative and dedicated to constant improvement.

Go Out of Your Way
There is nothing new or hi-tech about a willingness to go out of one’s way when it comes to going the extra mile. The caller needing help just moments prior to the close of the day responds very well when you take their call ready to provide what they might need only focused on that and not a concern about the extra minutes you worked. Or hearing a distressed and/or frustrated customer or co-worker is looking for help rather than a response indicating ‘it’s not my job’. Incorporating and adopting this into one’s personal operating method can readily put that person above the rank and file.

Wolf adds to her suggested actions the belief that “when you consistently incorporate these things into your daily life at work, you’ll quickly rise above the ranks. But more than being known as the employee who’s just trying to elbow his or her way to a promotion, you’ll be seen as the employee who genuinely wants to see the department and team succeed.”

I want to be very clear. Like in anything else, having a healthy balance in many things we are inclined to

do is important. Going overboard at work, while looking good to the boss perhaps, can and will impact one’s attitude, energy and enthusiasm for their job if done to an unreasonable extent. Thus, addressing this topic it is done believing that moderation is a key to both demonstrating oneself as being a true team player and taking care of that same person’s needs … both personal and professional.

Working in an organization where the culture encourages and recognizes those who are inclined to go above and beyond clearly makes it easier to consider and do. However, regardless of the environment in which one works, all benefit by having those who naturally think ‘giver’ and they are usually rewarded in meaningful ways. We know that the organization will benefit and the question for you as a reader to consider is what opportunities you can create to go above and beyond and what will that enable you to achieve as an individual? Seems like it might be worth a few minutes of thought?
Mike Dorman

Seeing the Equal Value of EVERY Person Involved In the Effort … or Not

One question I often ask of a coaching client is how they see the job they do? What does it contribute to the team, department or organizational success? How do they see its’ importance in terms of what it

contributes to the desired outcome and achievement of the intended goal? Finally, what is the value that they place on their contribution as well as the value that others place on it? Too often the answers I hear don’t make for a pretty picture. And they definitely don’t make for a cohesive group effort. That, in turn, can have very real and even detrimental impact on the success of an individual and an overall effort.

In an ideal environment from one’s very first day they learn to recognize that they and the work they do is a contributor to the overall success of project and/or the company. And although it may be related to sales, customer relations, operations, accounting, delivery, administrative or overall management … the ultimate success of whatever the goal might be cannot and will not be achieved to the max unless all aspects of whatever the goal requires are handled to the same degree of successful completion. This would logically require that every person involved in the process understand and truly value the job they

do at the same time it is valued by others. Unfortunately I don’t believe that such a business culture is the norm. Rather individuals either see themselves and their work as more or less important than another’s. And even if the individual doesn’t, the leadership often sees it as such. And when this happens it takes the wind and needed energy out of the sails of some while inflating that of others. The result? Divisiveness among the very people who are relied upon to make it happen in a successful way.

Here are some of the things that contribute to differences in the ways that one’s particular job contribution is seen as less than by others as identified by Glenn Llopis in his contribution to Forbes on writing about different ways the contribution by some is undervalued. He speaks in terms of a leader however I believe this applies to ways that others on the team devalue another’s work and present it as such to some of his points:

Unaware of Their Strengths
Because some in the effort do not see the importance of the work being done by some and see what they do as the most important they might not take the time to truly understand the abilities and strengths of what that person is capable of providing. When leaders can’t see beyond the obvious, they are doing themselves, their co-workers or employees and their organization a big disservice. They are unknowingly undervaluing their contributions and the opportunities before them.
Refuse to Seek Their Counsel
Because one does not see the true value of another’s job and the related contribution, they may be inclined to look over them when seeking input that could improve the task, method and the outcome. This contributes to someone feeling undervalued and disrespected and thus a poor sense of their work and their desire to truly care.
Make No Effort to Invest in the Relationship
When any one position on a team is seen as less important than another, it delivers the message that they are less important as a person and as an important link to the desired outcome. Thus the person feels taken for granted and down goes their interest or investment in a most successful outcome.
Provide Little if Any Feedback
If one doesn’t value the work or another the tendency is to not waste the time of providing input that could alter and perhaps improve the work that person is doing. Of course this easily can lead to that person feeling underappreciated and with that, the importance of caring and effort go south.

So this is all interesting, however, what is very important to the person feeling this lack of appreciation and love is what they can do about it. The good news? There are definitely steps you can take that will have a most positive impact on the person (is that you?) and the ultimate success that is the overall goal as follows:

Take stock of just how real and prominent this situation is
Do you believe that the feeling you have and your related sensitivity to it is wide-spread coming from many or different directions or it is primarily from a single source? Regardless, it is unpleasant and uncomfortable however one’s reaction and actions would be different given the actual situation.
Have a conversation with the person who you feel doesn’t appreciate your work
Perhaps they emit the impression they do because they really don’t understand what you are doing and the related skill and challenges that it represents. Why should they? Their focus is on what they contribute and thus to some extent they take your abilities and results for granted.
Be more visible to the others
Feeling unappreciated can make us withdraw from attention and notice and that only furthers the reactions of another and our own sense of isolation. If you are proud of what you do and the level of skill you have, let that allow you to be an active part of the group effort. After all, others don’t really understand all that is involved. Let your sense of pride allow you to have a presence to the other(s).Be open in your recognition and praise of others and their contributions
Demonstrating your willingness to acknowledge others and their part in creating the desired success provides the example of others returning the same to you. It’s a win-win.
You don’t need permission from another to feel satisfaction and pride in the work you do and what you provide to the overall, successful effort
If you are able to view what you do and the contribution it makes to the goal as being an important part of the overall effort you are and become less reliant on any other person’s view to define your real value. This enables you to move forward positively and confidently.

Amy Rees Anderson is a founder and Managing Partner of REES Capital, an angel investment firm. She focuses on helping other succeed in their entrepreneurial ventures. In her article for Forbes entitled “Every Person Matters in a Company, and There is No Such Thing as an Insignificant Position” she expressed this:

“Every single person in a company is a valuable piece of the chain. If they do their part wrong, the entire chain feels the effect. That chain is in a circle that goes round and round, with no beginning and no end. Every person matters and is equally important to the overall functions done in a company. No one person is insignificant or small in the process. Everyone needs each other” for the job they do and role they play in an effort.

I think I just heard a mic drop!
Mike Dorman

Career Related New Year’s Resolutions? Bah Humbug! Create a REAL Plan for 2019 That WILL Work

For several years, at this time of year I have addressed New Year’s resolutions. How they work …

or don’t. How to make them real. How often they fail and why. What is true is that resolutions seem to be jinxed. We often have good intentions on January 1^st. Then, as we get days or weeks into the year, life and reality comes along and our resolve to do or achieve things gets buried at the bottom of the way we are used to functioning. Maybe next year. The fact is that New Year’s Resolutions are doomed for failure more than not.

Today, as we approach the end of 2018, I personally am not falling into that trap. Perhaps we are all tired of the great thoughts and ideas that, too often, get pushed to the side or even disappear.

Rather, especially as it pertains to careers and jobs, it is important that during these last days of the year we take advantage of waning business activity to truly consider and create a realistic and workable plan for next year.

Are you with me? If so, the question is where do you start and actually it’s pretty straight-forward and even simple. Perhaps you’ve heard the expression ‘If You Don’t Know Where You’re Going, How Will

You Know When You Get There? The answer is ‘you won’t’. Therefore, you need a plan. To create that begin by asking yourself the following questions that will ultimately lead you to one that is clear and realistic.

What is the ultimate position and responsibilities you would like to achieve in your work?
What is the next intermediate step that will bring you closer to this goal andwhere you want to be at the end of next year (2019)?
What is the learning you would need to do in order to achieve your next step and where can you acquire it?
Who within the company needs to know about your desire to grow and advance so that it is a well-known intention of yours?
Who are people within the organization who can be your allies in making this happen?

Congratulations! With this done you now have a vision of where you are headed and where you would

like to be at the end of 2019. Your next step involves setting specific goals that are related to where you intend to go. And the ideal tool to create them is having them adhere to the S.M.A.R.T format as follows: Goals need to be …

Specific:
Goals need to be clearly defined. How much income will you generate? How many new accounts will you have opened? How many projects will you have completed?
Measurable:
You need to be able to know if you’ve achieved them … or not. What measurements can/will you use? Having a better year or quarter than last one is not measurable.
Achievable:
You can accomplish them because you believe them to be realistic given the degree to which you can maintain your focus on your goal plan.
Results focused:
Goals should measure outcomes, not activities. Maintaining a daily focus on what you need and want to achieve is critical. Just ‘being busy’ will not do it
Timely:
A goal without a timeline of intended achievement guarantees a moving target that can be very difficult to reach. The finish line provides the measurement that can keep you on track … something that everyone needs.

Once you have completed your plan you may find it an advantage to review it with another trusted person with your interest at heart. Perhaps a mentor in any capacity. Or it might be a boss who is also your cheerleader. Regardless of who it is, getting their input on your plan will allow you to make adjustments if needed and charge ahead with greater confidence that will enhance your enthusiasm and determination.

What progress! You have identified where you are headed and you have the defined goals as well as the way in which you can continue to measure and evaluate your progress. While this is all happening I would like to convey some things that you can do that will contribute to your progress, recognition and achievements. They have been identified by Andre DeVito in an article published in July, 2017 on ‘strategies for moving up in an organization’.

Be Dependable/Reliable
this is at the top of the list in terms of judging someone and especially important to you as you are working to advance yourself in your career. Failure to be seen in this way can and will undermine all of the other good things you are doing in your march to achieving the goals you have set for ’19.
Your opportunity will come from someone believing in you and championing your development
identifying your champion in the organization potentially plays a large role in giving you the very opportunity you strive to have. Identifying who can best play the role of your cheerleader(s) and treating them as such will provide a big boost as they champion your development.
Step up, when others run
too often when a situation arises that requires people to take on some added responsibility or stepin to a unique situation unrelated to their job … they disappear in some fashion. The very person that you want to notice you WILL notice when you demonstrate that you can be counted on to do what is needed and asked of you.
Take time to better yourself
given that you have your plan to move up in your career this often means learning new skills. As such making the time to do this learning is a necessary step and shouldn’t be viewed as anything but.
Never turn down an opportunity for growth
a willingness to ‘put yourself out there’ is one way to demonstrate your intent and desire to grow. Although it might take you into a place that is initially uncomfortable, others will notice and see this as a positive attribute that can justify future advancement.
Network, Network, Network
While well focused on your plan and achieving your goals for the year, make certain that you include the importance and value of getting to know others working around you and elsewhere in the organization. Advancement opportunities can come to you because of these efforts to network.

DeVito cautions “that moving up and succeeding takes the ability to keep moving forward when nothing seems to make sense or working right. It means putting your head down, getting your hands dirty, and doing what it takes to overcome. Don’t be afraid to take chances and go after what you want because if you don’t succeed the first time, adapt your approach and try again!”

Achieving your year-end plan only requires that you make this your focus as the way to end this year. Rather than an inordinate amount of time, it only takes that you see the value of doing this. It’s an exercise that, unlike setting New Year’s resolutions, will create a definitive plan and will serve as your personal blue print for building your path to achieving the very success that you foresee and strive to have in the coming year.

As this is the final blog for this year, I want to wish all the happiest celebrations of Christmas and New Year’s. I appreciate that you continue to stay with me and the various topics I address month after month. May 2019 bring all of the success that you want and for which you create the plan to achieve it in all aspects of your life!!!
Mike Dorman

Is the Negotiating Style You’ve Witnessed in D.C. A Good Fit for You? You Have Choices.

What’s the State of YOUR Union With Your Job?

It Doesn’t Require a Shutdown to Go Above and Beyond at Work

Seeing the Equal Value of EVERY Person Involved In the Effort … or Not

Career Related New Year’s Resolutions? Bah Humbug! Create a REAL Plan for 2019 That WILL Work

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