Blog • The Third Zone

Our Inability to Make Decisions … The Easier Path With Negative Results

One of the more prevalent issues that I encounter in working with a coaching client … individual or team … is an inability or unwillingness to make a decision. I’m not talking about something as potentially earth-shaking as ‘should I leave my job?’ or ‘should I change my field of work?’ I’m referring often to the most basic decisions that one needs to make to move forward with the task at hand for themselves or as a leader of others.

John Sammarco of Creative Business Decisions has summarized the reasons and the impact of being unable to make a decision. They fall into any of several categories. These are …

Being unable to commit: This can be because they see no great option or are fearful of making the wrong choice

Acknowledging that you just don’t know how: Making decisions is a process we go through that eventually leads us to making the best and hopefully right decision. And this is a learned talent perfected by practice and the related growth

Being overwhelmed: Identifying and evaluating options is something that decision making entails. Breaking down the components of the decision to be made makes it clearer and manageable. If we simply view the decision in its’ entirely it appears very large and somewhat unmanageable. This overwhelmed is the result.

Remaining objective in decision making: There are times when the ultimate decision that is or needs to be made impacts us personally and thus play with our need to be impartial. Giving into our own bias can easily distort our decision and results in flaws.

Pure Exhaustion from the process of making the right decision: It has involved such intense exploration and research then when finally at the point of making the decision all of the starch is gone and thus no decision is made.

Okay … so it’s pretty easy to understand how being stymied in the decision making process is anything but ideal. And what makes it very worthy of thinking about as it relates to us individually is various impacts that this ‘handicap’ can have on others.

Significant impact on the productivity of our own or those we lead and the related costs of stagnation and/or wasted time

Greatly impacts morale of others and with this the creation of a depressed environment

Results in stagnation of the progress expected and anticipated and this brings with it a downturn in morale and effort

Appearing to be partial to one idea over another creates a perception of bias and favoritism and who wants to participate in an environment wherein they don’t feel as if they have a voice that is wanted or needed?

Actually encourages others to leave the department, team or company taking with them the knowledge and contribution they could be making. This is perhaps the biggest threat to any effort as it has the potential of taking the desired goal off track with the need to begin anew.

Is there good news in all of this? Of course there is and primarily because, as Sammarco indicates, decision-making skills can be learned, practiced and refined. It only requires that we acknowledge that we need to improve at the same time we recognize the impact that poor decision-making can and perhaps is having on our success in many ways.

On occasion I have often referred to this quote: “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt. To the extent we buy into this thinking we are on the way to becoming more masterful as decision-makers and doing what we need to do the get there!
Mike Dorman

Resisting The Very Change We Want

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most adaptable to change” – Charles Darwin

It is not infrequently that I meet a client who expresses their unhappiness with their job in the overall or the work that they are responsible for doing day to day. And although they readily admit their unhappiness, when I inquire as to why they don’t make a change that they will find more fulfilling and satisfying I hear many excuses like these:

- I’m not happy AND … I don’t know what else I’d do
- I don’t know that I have the skills to do what I’d really like to be doing
- I don’t think anyone would give me a chance to move into the work I enjoy
- I’m afraid to quit this job. I need the money and don’t have enough to carry me over
- Being unhappy here seems better than taking the risk of making a change

I’m lacking the motivation and enthusiasm for making a change at the moment

What these tend to create is a comfort zone to stay where we are and eventually we find ourselves truly stuck. Not necessarily happy … simply stuck. The first step to do something about this is to acknowledge and admit this as our situation. True, it’s willingly taking ourselves into an uncomfortable place and at the same time it is a critical step to bringing about the change we want.

To the extent that we can admit that we are caught in a web resistant to make a change there are things that you we can do to confront it and move beyond. Some of these are below and perhaps giving yourself a litmus test to determine what, if anything, you have going on that might be holding you back from the movement your happiness and fulfillment is dependent upon.

Truly embracing that change is inevitable all around us. Standing firm in a situation can truly become more and more challenging especially as the things we can’t control continue to change. To the extent that we really want something different requires that we not only accept that change happens … it actually gives us reason and license to actually create it.
Accept the situation you’re in … do NOT become resigned to it. There’s a big difference here. Accepting the situation we’re in is just being factual and allows us to recognize our unhappiness and the desire to change it. Being resigned to it carries with it a sense of hopelessness and there is nothing positive in doing so. In fact, it furthers the feeling of stuck without options
Be willing to intentionally take yourself out of your comfort zone. We know that change of any sort is not always comfortable. And yet we also know that to resist change is to accept our situation as it is regardless of how much we don’t like it. Thus, willingly embracing it is what takes us into an arena of discovery and exploration … and potentially greater happiness and satisfaction.
Acknowledge and silence the inner voices that often work against changes that we really want. These voices … or our inside team … often do not like change … period. They tend to hijack the intentions that we have by instilling doubts as to the wisdom of making changes that we know we want to make. Without realizing it, they have suddenly redirected our thinking to one of complacency … even if it’s not our best path. To the extent we can recognize this happening we can reclaim control and make it easier to pursue the path that you really want to make.
Be willing to make changes without the fear of failing. There are no guarantees that anything and everything we do or have ever done includes guaranteed success. Still we have pushed through the challenges because at the end is something we really want … something that will make us happy and feel fulfilled. Wouldn’t this apply to the work we do and the career we have?
If you don’t make a change … what is the best outcome you can expect? How will limiting yourself by staying in the same situation (work in this case) affect your life … your income … your sense of accomplishment? When you determine this, how happy do you expect you will be?
What are you waiting for? What makes putting off the desired change a value? What is going to make doing this ‘tomorrow’ easier or better in any way?

When I enter into a discussion with a client about this very topic, often they have never realized they were resisting taking the ‘change step’. Rather they had devised much rationale as to why they were doing what they did. I do believe that the challenge we all have is to catch ourselves staying in a circumstance that is not to our liking … just because in some ways it seems like the right thing to do … or our only real choice. In other words … we feel trapped. Does it seem like a good exercise would be to do a form of self-analysis as a means of determining if you are stuck in someplace that you really don’t want to be? Go on … take the dare!

Theodore Roosevelt said … “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” Obviously we would want to avoid this third option.
Mike Dorman

One Boss’s View: How One Defines Their Job Means Success … or Not!

I have often asked coaching clients to list the detailed aspects of the job they were hired to do in the organization. The response is always interesting for various reasons.

Some are very able to provide a highly detailed list of their job expectations and dedicate themselves to being able to get it all done
Some can respond in very general terms and realize that they don’t have a detailed understanding of all aspects of the work they are charged with handling.
Still others see their value as being their flexibility in being able to do anything thrown at them and thus, don’t recognize any real structure to the expectations.

Regardless of how one views their job responsibilities, for that matter, as long as those in positions to manage them are good with how one executes the job, it doesn’t necessarily create any issues/problems. However, there is one ‘responsibility’ of all that is worthy of consideration.

Perhaps you know of Mark Cuban. If you’re a basketball fan you know that he is the owner of the Dallas

Mavericks. If you follow the list of billionaires, you have seen/heard his name. And if you are a fan of TV’s ‘Shark Tank’ investment show you know that he spends a lot of money investing in businesses in which he believes. Yet regardless of how you know him, he is a very successful business person and judges the value of people within his organization on the basis of one attribute.

“The people that tend to work for me a long time, not only are smart, not only are driven, not only are learners, but they understand that the greatest value you can offer a boss is to reduce their stress.” As Cuban sees it that is the role they have.

How simple and how interesting. And yet I have never heard one person, regardless of their position, include this ‘responsibility’ … reducing the boss’s stress … on their list. And in fact, in following Mark Cuban, this is the one thing that determines one’s longevity in his organization.

It has been determined stressed workers , bosses or not, are also more likely to make errors, arrive to work late and miss deadlines. Plus, they can spread their stressful feelings to co-workers. With all this in mind, it makes sense that Cuban seeks employees who can make his life easier and alleviate some of that day-to-day tension. “Anybody who reduces my stress becomes invaluable to me,” he says. “I never want to get rid of them.” He adds that the employees who “tend to think that they are invaluable are typically the ones who create the most stress, by creating firestorms and creating drama and making things more difficult for me.”

To win over your boss and show that you’re a valuable employee, Cuban suggests following the three Ws: Always communicate …

What you’re doing
Why you’re doing it
When it will be done

Summing up his philosophy, the billionaire offers employees this simple piece of advice: “If you are a stress reducer, you’re going to do well. If you’re a drama creator, you’re not going to do well.”

There are numerous articles written about how a leader can reduce stress for the employee. This is a great goal. At the same time, thinking of your job as doing it thoroughly so as to keep the boss out of it absolutely will minimize any stress that comes from the boss’s feeling the need to jump in to do any part of your job. It’s important that we all know and understand the responsibilities that go with our positions. Being driven by the intention of reducing stress for our leader means that we will do all that we are both expected to and capable of doing leaving the boss free to drive the organization to its’ intended destination or their job.

In my own travel company each person had a job description that detailed the work they were expected to do. And at the bottom of each one, it ended with “and anything else that is requested of you for the benefit of the organization”. I can now see that it should have said “and anything you can do to reduce stress for the boss”. Do you see any opportunities when you add this to your known responsibilities? Just asking.
Mike Dorman

How Negative Feelings Toward A Client or Co-worker Impacts Success

Over time we have blogged about maximizing team success by making certain all are focused on
achieving the overriding goals. Understanding the value that each person offers to the collective effort and accepting that each person should view what they do as the ‘most important’ contribution to the overall success of the effort are important aspects. It sounds logical, simple and very straight forward. And yet, what we have all encountered are situations wherein a negative perception held about even one co-worker of client has the ability to undermine all of the success-related ingredients and deprive the effort of hitting the intended mark.

Here are some examples that I continue to encounter and that I expect that you, the reader, have experienced to the detriment of all of the good effort being made.

A member of a team has a delivery style that is simply hard to like or take
Situation: Perhaps it’s the way they deliver their ideas or perspective of

something being considered. Perhaps their attitude is one that says “I’m right and all of you are missing the real point”. Or, perhaps the one leading the effort just doesn’t care for the person as an individual. Regardless of the reason, others actually shut down and disregard the contribution.
Impact: Even understanding that each person on the team or within the department is there because of what they know and the needed contribution they can make, allowing personal reactions and feelings to reign unchecked is clearly going to impact the level of achievement. Think of working a 500 piece puzzle and not having the final piece.
Resolution: If you are a witness to this obstacle think of it as a responsibility and opportunity to get the overall effort onto a successful track. One way to do this is by having a conversation with either or both sides of the situation. Often, either person simply doesn’t realize how they are coming across and will make changes to take the focus to where it should be … success.

A sales person is working with a client with whom they don’t connect
Situation: Whether in a sales position with a company or in your own business, customers are the ones who enable growth and are one critical element to our existence. And still, there are times when the needed connection between these two components just isn’t there for any number of reasons including those mentioned in #1 above.
Impact: In both directions, frustration, impatience, lack of cooperation and stone-walling are manifestations of such a ‘relationship’. You realize that neither the sales person nor the client are happy and chances are slim that you would stand to get any additional business or referrals from the client. From both sides of the equation it seems like something akin to pulling teeth and is just unpleasant.
Resolution: If the sales person nor the client consider the relationship to be working well, the likelihood is that you will achieve unsatisfactory results and actually create a negative voice. This will work against you in the pursuit of future sales. And although this one is often difficult to swallow, recognizing that the connection is not a good one, removing yourself from it and referring the customer to another person will be doing you, that customer and your organization a big favor.

A new person joins an established team or group as an unwelcome addition
Situation: You are already a part of an existing and well-established team working well toward the known and intended goals. For any number of reasons a new person is assigned to be a part of it. Perhaps they are a new hire and seen as having skills and knowledge that will enhance progress toward your goal. Or, maybe they have been with the organization and it is felt the team would benefit from their skills. However, along the way they have created some reputation that is not well received by the team. It’s uncomfortable from various vantage points and impacts the free-flowing and cooperative successful movement negatively.
Impact: There are a couple of reactions to this. Either the ‘new’ person is ignored and soon realizes that are not going to be able to become a viable and respected member of this team. Thus, any input they provide is shot down as wrong and unwelcome. Or … the rest of the team ceases to be as open given the ‘intruder’ in their midst.
Resolution: Here is another situation wherein some team member who is aware of the negativity has the opportunity and a responsibility to raise the issue and the potential impact it is having on the successful achievements of the team. Allowing the newcomer to enter on a more level playing field enhances the experience for all and, in fact, can take the achievements to a higher level.

Distension between any of the individuals who make up a team relationship does much to undermine all of the good efforts that are otherwise intended and made. It is actually surprising how many people are unaware of how they have allowed their bias toward another to impact the way in which they work together. In most situations, by increasing awareness much is improved and even resolved. Maybe it’s another observant team member bringing it to the attention of those involved. Or perhaps it means the ones involved in the situation discussing, acknowledging the issue and making a commitment to begin anew.

Few of us, if any, are trained, skilled actors. It may only take a few lessons to develop the talent … and the benefits.
Mike Dorman

A Team’s Success As Related to the Value Placed On ALL Team Members

Many years ago I was invited to attend an open house of a company celebrating their move into a new office facility. As I roamed from office to office and department to department, I was greeted by those working in that area with a similar message. “Welcome to the most important department of this company” after which they would proceed to explain what they did and how their contribution was so extremely important and valuable to their organization’s success.

There is no question that this made a big impact on me and one issue that continues to move front and center as I work within various organizations. Within a team wherein certain people and/or certain jobs are considered more important to the project or organizational goals than others there is a clear impact on the interest, energy and enthusiasm extended by all. And to the degree that this, in turn, is conveyed and felt by the customer, it will and does challenge the overall impact on the desired success.

What I am referring to is the value placed on each role and related responsibility by the organization and all participants. Of course certain jobs are going to require different skills and knowledge in order for them to be handled proficiently. However, if the various roles are viewed in a hierarchy of importance by those working together, this can and does lead to a devaluing of some in favor of others and this is what can take the effort off the desired course.

Let me provide some examples for you to consider.

Example # 1: Within the Sales Team/Department of Any Organization

Consider the outside sales people who make up the sales department. These are the ones who identify and call on prospects intent on turning them into customers. And once they succeed, the ongoing success and retention of that customer often relies on the inside support people which include administrative, operations/production and customer service staff. When this works like a well-oiled machine the customer feels supported and valued and is inclined to sing the praises of the organization.

However, when the outside sales team thinks of themselves as the only truly important key to success in terms of sales and retention it can be highly demoralizing to those providing support to the ongoing customer relationship. This, in turn, too often creates a revolving door in these support areas. And it is naïve of anyone associated to believe that this doesn’t matter to the customer. It is definitely costly in several ways and potentially undermines the success that is sought.

Example # 2: Within the Company in General

Most companies have many positions manned by individuals of varying skills, knowledge and experience. It could be sales, operations, accounting, production, reception or product delivery among others. To the extent that each person sees themselves and is seen by others as being critical to the success of the organization, things work the best. The receptionist is the first point of contact for the caller or the visitor and the impression created sets the tone and expectation of the customer. Similarly, the courier who delivers the purchased product to the customer as needed and expected, reinforces the value of the overall company to this customer. When it happens like this, it’s all good.

However, when that receptionist or courier are only considered less important to what the company is providing, it will work against the very attitude that is needed by all to deliver the excellence leading to the desired level of success.

Of course there are many such examples where the dichotomy can and does exist. The resulting story and outcome is always very similar. To the extent that each person on the team or within an organization is inclined to say “welcome to the most important office or position in the company” I believe the company has achieved a mindset and culture wherein each person knows and is recognized for their value to the overall success. This gives them a sense of genuine pride which translates extremely well to all customers. Perhaps it’s a good idea for all of us to look the house in which we are living. Is it built on a strong foundation that values the roll of all? Then you’re in a good situation with the best chance of reaching your intended success goal!

Desmond Tutu, a 1984 recipient of the Nobel Peace prize for the role he played in the end of Apartheid in South Africa made this quote: How could you have a soccer team if all were goalkeepers? How would it be an orchestra if all were French horns? It’s a fair conclusion … it can’t.
Mike Dorman

Our Inability to Make Decisions … The Easier Path With Negative Results

Resisting The Very Change We Want

One Boss’s View: How One Defines Their Job Means Success … or Not!

How Negative Feelings Toward A Client or Co-worker Impacts Success

A Team’s Success As Related to the Value Placed On ALL Team Members

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