Mike, Author at The Third Zone

Apr 06 2022

The Courage to Look Regret in the Eye

A week ago, much of the world had the chance to witness someone act in a way that brought about very real and heartfelt backlash. People willingly and openly expressed varying opinions as to what was right or wrong. And very unfortunately, this became what is and probably will continue to be a lasting memory of this event and the individuals involved.

From any vantage point witnessing a regrettable action becomes a cringe worthy happening. And rather than feeling very disassociated from seeing or hearing this, I wonder who among us hasn’t been ‘there’? Who has not, in the course of living, done something at some time that we regretted? Perhaps, it was something we said or some physical act we did. Regardless, our action left us with wishing we could have handled ‘it’ differently and avoided the resulting and very unintended consequences.

Regret is defined as a feeling of sadness, repentance or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. One place that I have experienced and continue to see this occur is within organizations. There, things can be and are done by someone that quickly replaces an initial sense of satisfaction with true regret. And rarely is a workplace act of a physical nature. It’s more often something said … or not said … that brings about an undesirable reaction or action.

Deborah Grayson Riegel is a leadership consultant who sees ‘work as hard … which is why it’s called ‘work’. Every day, we face challenges that range from solving difficult technical issues and making hard choices between competing priorities. We need to know what we should delegate and decide on new solution to old problems. And we are expected to do all of this while staying calm, cool and collected. Riegel sees the need for us to maintain a professional demeanor in the face of daily workplace stress can feel like it’s own full-time job or what she calls ‘emotional labor’. This is where we actively manage our feelings and the expression of those feelings. Doing so enables us to have professionally appropriate interactions with customers, clients, co-workers, and higher-ups. It includes both the expression of emotions and the suppression of emotions that are felt but cannot be expressed.’

As Riegel sees this, the expectation to consistently express positive emotions at work can feel difficult. But not managing to suppress negative emotions can be damaging — especially when these emotions trickle out in other ways. And when they do ooze out, they often lead to behaviors that may feel good in the moment as we release some pent-up negativity. However, doing so tends to cause a “shame hangover” the next day. Here are some examples:

Giving someone the silent treatment, hoping they’ll take the initiative and ask you, “Hey, did I do something wrong?”
Making cruel comments about someone’s appearance.
Telling someone “I need to talk to you” and then letting them worry until the meeting.
Speaking negatively about someone behind one’s back (a boss, colleague, or client).
Playing devil’s advocate just because you enjoy it.
Taking credit for someone else’s idea.
Telling someone why the idea she’s really excited about won’t work, without offering helpful insights.
Saying “I told you so” (or its equivalent).
Sharing what you really wanted to say in the meeting after the actual meeting.
Asking lots of people for their opinions until you get the opinion you want.

These behaviors are both credibility and careers killers. So, what do you do if you recognize one or more of these in yourself? Here are some strategies:

Become emotionally fluent
Emotional labor can feel compounded without having the words to describe what feeling you’re working to express or suppress. Start naming what you feel and you experience an increase in your emotional fluency.

Find a healthy emotional outlet
When you don’t have a safe or appropriate place to express how you feel, your emotions are likely to come out in destructive ways — to you and to others. Find a person with whom you can share openly and honestly. Find an activity that allows you to release your emotion, whether it’s yoga or a book club. Do something that lets you express yourself directly, honestly, and regularly.
Make a deal with your future self
Badmouthing your boss might feel terrific today — but it won’t tomorrow. Playing devil’s advocate with your colleague might feel like a victory today — but it won’t tomorrow. Before you engage in any behavior that might give you instant emotional relief, think about your last “shame hangover”. Think about how you’d prefer to feel tomorrow. Your future self will thank you for considering her emotional needs.

Emotional labor is work, indeed. And it’s worth doing the work to make sure the behaviors that emerge from managing emotions are ones that boost rather than break a career. Writer Omar Itani has been quoted as saying ‘I cannot regret something that has taught me valuable and worthwhile lessons in life”. And further, author Dan Pink who has recently written a book on the topic of regret defines courage as looking regret in the eye and doing something about it. Personally, I like it!

And one more thing. Just in case you hunger for more, Inc. published an article this week that sees the apology that a certain actor issued following a much regretted behavior as being a ‘Master Class in Emotional Intelligence’. Regardless of one’s position, if he/she has made a major mistake, the related apology serves as a case study with invaluable takeaways.’ It’s definitely an interesting interpretation and good read and maybe helps to put this to bed.
Mike Dorman

Mar 23 2022

The Great Migration from the Workplace … Why and What?

One doesn’t have to go far to experience what the lack of needed employees does to our experience and the ability of a business to function effectively. For starters simply visit your local restaurant. You’ll find parties waiting in the lobby for an available table. You’ll also find many empty tables making it obvious that it’s not space that’s the issue. Rather it’s the inability to find people wanting the available jobs being offered.

help wanted sign

Unfortunately, the ‘Great Resignation’, as it is being called, is knowing no boundaries. It is being experienced in restaurants and hotels. Education and health services, transportation and utilities, financial activities as well as professional and business services are in the same boat. The numbers of people who are leaving jobs and without necessarily having their next one is setting records. It is anticipated that even as we hopefully emerge from the threat that COVID has provided, being an employee’s world will remain with us for much of 2022.

WHY ARE WE HAVING THE RECORD RESIGNATIONS NOW BEING EXPERIENCED?

Higher pay, COVID burnout and a lack of career-development opportunities have been cited as factors. But that’s not the whole story. Marcel Schwantes, the founder of Leadership from the Core believes it’s a simple explanation provided in his contribution to INC. It comes down to four little words that provide the explanation for the job flight that has hit record numbers. Feedback that goes unheard.

To alter the current direction being experienced, a management solution organization (Explorance) surveyed some 2000 full-time and part-time employed adults seeking an understanding of ‘why’. The findings were clearly thought-provoking and motivating. As eager as employees are to share their feedback with employers hoping for positive change, their feedback goes unheard. As a result, there is no meaningful change.

These are other factors that play a large role is the exodus being experienced:

Working Remotely
It is well established that the remote work requirement that became a necessity during COVID also became preferred by many. With organizations now requiring workers to return to an office workplace, there are many not wanting to do that. They have learned to efficiently perform from home and that is how they want to continue their work lives.

Upset with the COVID work experience
Learning to be productive and function well in an often-imposed remote manner was a learning experience for all concerned. Some employees were unhappy with the ways in which they felt treated and valued especially in the early months. Feeling they were forced to put in longer hours by working at home, they speak to the resulting burnout.
Switching Careers
The changes that workers were forced to embrace led to some self-evaluation. What they missed related to their sense of accomplishment and satisfaction led some to make a switch. Understandably, healthcare workers experienced this. Feeling unchallenged and unfulfilled made this time ripe for change.
Work-Life Balance

Working remotely clearly blurred the line between ones’ workday and the remainder of a day. Having both one’s office and home be one and the same, blurred the lines of division. Thus, the desired and needed balance faded to the background bringing frustration and unhappiness.

WHAT CAN ORGANIZATIONS DO TO CURTAIL THE GREAT RESIGNATION?

As head-scratching as this question seems, the answer might be quite simple. Focusing on why people are resigning at a record-breaking rate through exit interviews is valuable to gain that understanding. However, the solution might well be in conducting ‘stay’ interviews. Sabina Nawaz in her article in the Harvard Business Review made some insightful suggestions. She sees as the key to stay interviews is asking questions that address what the exit interviews reveal. Having such one-on-one interviews with employees that remain will lead to potential solutions.

picture frame

What’s your frame of mind today?
Encourage people to express a full range of emotions and don’t attempt to solve the problem or negate their experience. You want to encourage and acknowledge their honesty in sharing their experience and feelings.

Who do you feel connected to at work?
Friendships create a bond that work like gravity. And it has been found that friendships at work relate to enhanced productivity. Thus, once one knows of a connection that exists work to create situations that will deepen that friendship. With this information the leader can create work situations that allow this friendship to be furthered.
What barriers can I remove for you?
Having a manager remove barriers that inhibit employees from achieving their goals is very meaningful. Often praise or rewards are offered which makes the leader feel good however don’t impact the employee or their work. Then, with this information devise ways in concert with the employee that the identified things can be achieved.
What new thing would you like to learn that will excite you and aid your growth?
Doing this will demonstrate that you care about the employee. Not only for the work they produce but also for what the company can do to aid their growth and success. Doing this you demonstrate that you are their advocate for helping them achieve their personal goals.

Could the key to slowing the Great Resignation be as simple as employers or managers listening to and acting upon employee feedback? Combining exit interviews with ‘stay’ interviews will provide organizational leaders with balanced knowledge. As such, it is realistic to believe that the current ‘great resignation will diminish. And that likelihood is enhanced because of what will be learned from the ‘stay’ interviews. These will serve to make inroads into reengaging employees and halting the bleeding of talent from organizations. They will also strengthen skills of managers and the desire of employees to continue working with them.
Mike Dorman

Mar 09 2022

Impactful Leadership Lessons From the Ukraine

With varying degrees of horror and serious concern the past 10 days have been filled with ongoing news pertaining to Russia’s drive to re-claim the Ukraine as their own. It is very clear that the majority of the world is behind Ukraine’s fight for their lives and their future.

zelenskyy photo

On one side of this war … the ‘David’ of this contest … is one Volodymyr Zelenskyy … Ukraine’s president. It’s a role he has had since 2019. And his background that made his ascending to this position a natural? None for he was an entertainer and comedian. What he does demonstrate is that leaders can truly come from everywhere!

One strength that Zelenskyy’s background as a comic helped him develop was his ability to understand what motivates and inspires people. As we see and read daily is that he is using these skills to take them through the darkest of times. Here are the skills that he is employing in his leadership role. They are skills that are applicable and effective when used by any and all leaders.

As it is, Zelenskyy’s practices provide a very effective check list for a leader in any capacity within any organization to consider in self-evaluation:

Be Seen By Those One Leads
To the extent one wants to be admired and respected as a leader it’s simple … they must be seen. The transparent leader builds credibility and therefore trust and cooperation. No hiding behind rules and regulations will bring these critical results.

Be Both Active and Engaged With Those You Lead
Being willing to be a part of the needed action inspires others to want to follow one’s example. Being a ‘do as I do’ rather than ‘do as I say’ creates cohesiveness in achieving the goals of the organization.

Lead By Example
Too often leaders tend to stay in the background and lead through the likes of memos from the back of the room. Yet demonstrating one’s interest and willingness to be in the trenches in helping to achieve the goals has a very positive impact on followers. Leading by example breeds loyalty and enthusiasm to achieve the mission.
Communicate In the Most Effective Way Possible
Addressing followers in a manner that makes us realize that this is just one person who is the same whether have an individual or group conversation. Speaking with the press or being interviewed on television we hear the same person that we might know as leader. No playing a role. Rather just being a true self earns the respect and loyalty of those operating under the leadership.

Jessica Stillman, in writing for INC. magazine, quotes a Wharton professor, Adam Grant. He believes that “What makes leaders great isn’t just their internal characteristics, but their ability to understand and reflect the values and identity of those they lead.” Thus, this becomes the foundation of Zelenskyy’s approach. Grant further makes the point that “Psychologists find that we’re drawn to leaders who represent our group. The people we elevate into positions of authority aren’t typical members of our group–they’re prototypical members of our group. They’re the people we see as exemplifying the ideals of the group and acting in the best interests of the group.”

joining hands of the world

Zelenskyy ran to win the presidency of Ukraine a short 2+ years ago. He was determined to bring calm and peace to different factions within his country. He lack of experience as a politician caught the attention and support of the citizens. It’s a safe bet to think that he did not envision leading his country while embroiled in a war that threatens their very existence. Yet here he is … the comedian … who has risen to this very real-life threatening challenge to win the loyalty of his fellow Ukranians and the admiration of so much of the world.

I encourage all of us to use this leadership example as a litmus test to evaluate our own approach to leading. It makes no difference if one is leading an entire company, a department or a team. Leadership that embraces the ‘Zelenskyy methods’ cannot help but the develop the loyalty and following of those very ones on whom the desired success depends. He shows himself remaining resolute in adversity and still, always human and accessible.
Mike Dorman

Feb 23 2022

Succeeding Against All Odds – Our Personal Olympic Challenge

It’s a good guess that most of us watched at least a small amount of the winter Olympics over the past two weeks. And it’s highly likely that we have heard and read the criticisms directed at them. ‘Them’ includes NBC for their overall coverage … suspected doping scandals directed at a certain government and the focus on the individual Olympian failures. These factors combined with an enormous time difference and general viewer fatigue resulted in the lowest viewership of all time or close to it.

aerial skier

And yet, there were victories celebrated by athletes who have spent untold and unimaginable hours over years preparing for this opportunity to compete. Being on this world stage for the chance to medal was the motivation that help them stay their course and do the job that this success would require. There was one team that was a true standout, and they took home nothing made from metal. Rather, they won and took home greater drive and determination than they came with. They returned home committed to a plan to return yet again, confident of their future victories. This is truly against all odds given that they hail from a place that has NO colder winter weather than 75 degrees. I am referring to Jamaica.

Just watching the 4-man bobsled team cheer after crossing the finish line in last place of all competing teams was noticeable and attention getting. Afterall, it represented the first time in 24 years (their first and only Olympic appearance in 1988) that they again qualified to bring their team back to compete. I was moved to ponder what it took for such a team to stay their course. What enabled them to defy the odds and so-called conventional wisdom? And finally, how can these traits be applied to all of us as individuals having a dream and vision for the success we want for our careers? What are the habits of those who have and can defy the odds?

WHAT ARE THE TRAITS THAT HELP US DEFY THE ODDS?

Here are some of the more dominant attributes of people determined to win and seeing that completely in their hands and their power:

They do what they love.
When you’re passionate and excited about something, it ceases to have the ‘work’ tag attached to it. “When you’re engaged in such work, you do not want to stop,” says psychotherapist, Nick Terrone. He references Vincent Van Gogh as an example. “Van Gogh sold only one piece during his lifetime, yet his passion drove him to paint almost 900 works. The key? Find your passion.”
They focus on a goal.
The challenge associated with achieving a goal can increase one’s motivation. However, this doesn’t mean just focusing on climbing to the very top of this mountain is the way to success. Rather than being overwhelmed, start with smaller goals and continue to increase them as you accomplish various steps or stages.
They manage their inside team.
We all have and carry around with us our personal teams made up of ‘individuals’ of voices. They have the ability and do remind us of reasons we can or can’t accomplish something that we aim to achieve. If we are not careful, we can allow our team member voices to hijack our goals. However, the fact is that we can control and manage such internal dialogue in ways that enable us to stay our chosen course.
They believe in themself.

Confidence is always a valuable ingredient to succeeding in whatever we endeavor to do. And … it becomes even more important when we encounter obstacles that we must overcome. It helps to defy whatever falls into the so-called conventional wisdom arena. This person communicates with certainty that any challenge can and will be met.
They are persistent and determined.
These are two qualities that are considered very essential for a person wanting to triumph over adversity. Although success is desired and envisioned by many it can be accompanied by challenges that seem too great and thus, we give up. And yet, it is some failure we experience that enables us to develop these needed attributes.
An ability to see solutions overrides obstacles.
This person is so connected to the goal of what they want to and believe they can achieve. They continually, creatively see an obstacle as something to get around. Be it a true obstacle or an error made, they are driven and determined to learn along the way to achievement.
Ask for help and support.
We do not and cannot live in isolation and having others in your circle is a good thing. Undoubtedly there are going to be times when one is challenged and even having thoughts of giving up the goal. This is the time to ask others who likely have faced the same challenge for help and are willing to do so. Asking not only gets around the obstacle … it also helps one regain their ’second wind’ of inspiration.

APPLYING THE JAMAICAN LESSON TO OURSELVES AND HOW WE WIN GOLD

The Jamaican bobsled team crashed out of competition in 1988. Still, they walked across the finish line carrying their sled while cheering and waving to the crowd. And, most importantly, it created a determination on their part to dig in and stay the course that would help them qualify again which didn’t happen until this year’s Olympics. Were they successful? To them absolutely in that they completed the course without any incident. And more importantly because it was one step closer to achieving their ultimate goal. According to Jamaican Bobsleigh Federation President Chris Stokes, “Our big plan for 2026 is to qualify for four events, two teams per event, and to have someone on the podium in 2030.”

Although achieving the highest of personal goals may be easy for a fortunate few, it is often far from it for most of us.

The Jamaican team should make us wonder … if they can do something of this magnitude, why can’t I? The fact is that you can as long as you bring the needed goal setting and tenacity on the ride. Isn’t it great to realize that we and we alone are the master of our destiny. Anything that appears to get in the way is only a temporary obstacle that we can circumvent. Envision celebrating your success … your gold … while relaxing on the beaches of Jamaica … the place of inspiration. Seems like a great combination and goal.
Mike Dorman

Feb 03 2022

The Redefinition of Effective Leadership in a Post-Pandemic World

For the past two years and unfortunately going into year 3, so many aspects of our lives have been unraveled and turned upside down. In many ways we have found ourselves transported into a very unfamiliar world. Ways that we did things successfully just don’t work and we have all been forced to find our footing in what seems like a slippery slope. One place that this has been required is in leadership roles within the business world.

At the onset of COVID it was hoped that within some few months we would return to a normal that was known and comfortable. We believed or at least hoped that this was a short-lived blip and made changes in the way we needed to operate that would get us through these times. However, that simply is not the apparent case. A post-pandemic era is going to require leadership to be redefined and apply innovative approaches to teaching and learning.

Success going forward for those in any position of leadership within an organization will need to seriously consider and address their approach to the still emerging new normal. This is a given that forging a way forward on this path will require. Here are some of the types of changes and sensitivities that this will demand.

Cameras ON during all meetings – not an option going forward
- Working remotely diminishes any sense of real connection between participants. A growing complaint throughout these challenging times has been that in a zoom style meeting more cameras are increasingly turned off. This often includes managing participants. This takes an already challenging situation and compounds it big time.