Mike, Author at The Third Zone

Apr 20 2022

The COVID Fallout ~ an Increased Tendency to Throw Others Under the Bus

thrown under bus

The issue of throwing someone or being thrown under the bus is not new especially in a business environment. It is a subject I have addressed in years past via an e-book written on this very subject. And yet, during the past two years we have been living and working in a world heavily impacted by COVID. That IS new and as such this has expanded the potential and actual occurrence of this unpleasant experience.

Generally, in business, bullying of this nature is manifested in a couple of ways. On one hand it is done by a ‘boss’ who takes credit for work accomplished by one of her/his reports. Or, secondly, it can also be levied by a co-worker who wants to have recognition for work done by someone else. As such, in either case, they are willing to claim work as their own often to achieve some advancement and recognition. Interestingly, this occurs at times of both scarce and excess job availability. In both situations it often has to do with a person wanting to avoid responsibility for their own failures and inadequacies by taking credit for the work of another.

change sign4

The intention here is to explore new ways in which the tendency to do this to others has been increased in the past two years. The struggle to adapt to the changed workplace be it office or home has clearly contributed to new ways that many are and/or feel ‘thrown’.

Characteristics of leaders inclined to send others under the bus

To throw someone under the bus may be defined as “to betray or sacrifice a person, particularly for the sake of one’s own advancement. Or, as a means of safeguarding one’s own interests. (Merriam-Webster) It definitely is not something that anyone seeks to have happen to them. It is something that others use to demonstrate their power, self-perceived superiority and unwittingly, their insecurity. So, the question has always been what makes another inclined to do this. Here are key goals of this individual that have been a challenge in this COVID world:

The drive for power over others Isn’t the ability to see the employee or team an easier way to demonstrate as the person in charge? That individual’s presence is always around when in the office.
Remotely? Requires new creative ways to convey one’s authority and that has required new learning that has proven a struggle for some to learn and do.
The drive to create and win some competition … for advancement and recognition
It’s easy to convey one’s position and one’s achievements when surrounded by others on the team. Both visual and verbal communication are natural.
Remotely? This requires one to devise new communication methods in both directions to convey one’s contribution to achievements and be rightfully recognized for them.
The view of their responsibility as being in control of other reports
Control when working together under one roof provides a visual presence that supports the recognition of a leader responsible for overseeing their group.
Remotely? The likes of zoom and/or phone conversations require one to convey their same leadership responsibility. And these tools are comparatively impersonal and distant.

Characteristics of employees who have experienced an increase in seeing the underside of a bus

With COVID came significant changes in work routines. Going to an office became and remains either not yet existent or has re-emerged on a reduced basis. Surveys reveal that even a few years from now, remote work is destined to play at least a part of the employee’s routine. The things that have and are impacting performance and thus make some targets of bus throwers include:

A question of trust
This person gets a keen sense that they are reporting to someone who simply doesn’t trust them. How could they be working with the same dedication and effort remotely. This employee becomes easier to blame for perceived failure in completing projects or meeting deadlines, actual or imagined.
Added responsibilities associated with working from home especially when there are children involved.
The employee has had to learn how to juggle all responsibilities in the remote environment. This means that although they are determined to complete all expected work, it is often intermingled with real and needed interruptions. This feeds the ‘boss’s’ concern and has provided a scapegoat to blame when something doesn’t happen as needed or intended.

A redefinition of a good and loyal employee as one available at any and all times during the day … regardless of time of day.
Expecting employees to perform their job remotely without a concern for other responsibilities is a frequent and expressed complaint voiced by employees. And any resistance to being available as such has been interpreted as a disloyal team member. Once again, this person is an easier target on whom blame can be placed for failures encountered.

Different living circumstances between and among employees that create distension between and among them
Someone working remotely and juggling added responsibilities has challenges that don’t compare to a co-worker who lives alone or without child responsibilities. Thus, the latter just knows they are working harder and making a better contribution. As such they have used this to shine a negative light on the other person.

Things that have contributed to sending others under the bus in this COVID world

The past two years have introduced several unfamiliar aspects related to managing or being managed. Here are some key realities:

Absence makes allows the imagination to run wild
If I can’t see you then I don’t know what you are doing during the workday and my skepticism just tells me that you can’t be putting in a full day’s effort. With such lack of trust the boss is expecting that one will not be as productive as they should be. Of course, the amount of work can be seen however, a ‘boss’ just knows that someone working remotely can’t be as productive as they were. Where’s the bus?

The boss must learn how to successfully lead with fully or partially remote teams
As effective and successful as a leader has been in their role pre-COVID, a majority have had no or limited experience in leading people who are scattered. Unfortunately, when a bump is encountered in expected work, it has sometimes resulted in someone being blamed. Again, Where’s the bus?

Staff reductions created by employer or employee
These have led leaders to expect more from those who remain and some of this has been accompanied by a reduction in compensation. Thus, the employee feels taken advantage of and rather than appreciation is given blame for not being accepting of this. This bus feels extremely heavy.

Here’s the reality with which many must deal. COVID emerged and those impacted had little or no experience in how to effectively deal with or manage the changes that were forced upon so many on both ends of the work spectrum. Transitioning to working remotely or leading a remote team brought with it a lot of growing pains. Unfortunately, the learning curve has had many experience the likes of being thrown under the bus.

To say that we are well past the height of the problem would be a misstatement as it has always been said that we will and are emerging into a ‘new’ normal. It is one that has new ways in which work is completed, by whom and in varying work environments. Hopefully, as more realize and accept this, they will also have learned methods to lead effectively in such an environment. As an employee, one will have learned how to communicate her/his needs, have them recognized and respected. This person will also have been able to demonstrate their value through the contributions they make to the desired success. In no way am I suggesting that progress and learning has not taken place. However, current research clearly indicates that we’re not settled into this evolving new normal. Throwing others under the bus is messy. Of course, keeping our streets clean is a great goal!
Mike Dorman

P.S. The e-book previously written on this issue is entitled ‘Being Thrown Under the Bus’. Clicking on this link will take you to it.

Apr 06 2022

The Courage to Look Regret in the Eye

A week ago, much of the world had the chance to witness someone act in a way that brought about very real and heartfelt backlash. People willingly and openly expressed varying opinions as to what was right or wrong. And very unfortunately, this became what is and probably will continue to be a lasting memory of this event and the individuals involved.

From any vantage point witnessing a regrettable action becomes a cringe worthy happening. And rather than feeling very disassociated from seeing or hearing this, I wonder who among us hasn’t been ‘there’? Who has not, in the course of living, done something at some time that we regretted? Perhaps, it was something we said or some physical act we did. Regardless, our action left us with wishing we could have handled ‘it’ differently and avoided the resulting and very unintended consequences.

Regret is defined as a feeling of sadness, repentance or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. One place that I have experienced and continue to see this occur is within organizations. There, things can be and are done by someone that quickly replaces an initial sense of satisfaction with true regret. And rarely is a workplace act of a physical nature. It’s more often something said … or not said … that brings about an undesirable reaction or action.

Deborah Grayson Riegel is a leadership consultant who sees ‘work as hard … which is why it’s called ‘work’. Every day, we face challenges that range from solving difficult technical issues and making hard choices between competing priorities. We need to know what we should delegate and decide on new solution to old problems. And we are expected to do all of this while staying calm, cool and collected. Riegel sees the need for us to maintain a professional demeanor in the face of daily workplace stress can feel like it’s own full-time job or what she calls ‘emotional labor’. This is where we actively manage our feelings and the expression of those feelings. Doing so enables us to have professionally appropriate interactions with customers, clients, co-workers, and higher-ups. It includes both the expression of emotions and the suppression of emotions that are felt but cannot be expressed.’

As Riegel sees this, the expectation to consistently express positive emotions at work can feel difficult. But not managing to suppress negative emotions can be damaging — especially when these emotions trickle out in other ways. And when they do ooze out, they often lead to behaviors that may feel good in the moment as we release some pent-up negativity. However, doing so tends to cause a “shame hangover” the next day. Here are some examples:

Giving someone the silent treatment, hoping they’ll take the initiative and ask you, “Hey, did I do something wrong?”
Making cruel comments about someone’s appearance.
Telling someone “I need to talk to you” and then letting them worry until the meeting.
Speaking negatively about someone behind one’s back (a boss, colleague, or client).
Playing devil’s advocate just because you enjoy it.
Taking credit for someone else’s idea.
Telling someone why the idea she’s really excited about won’t work, without offering helpful insights.
Saying “I told you so” (or its equivalent).
Sharing what you really wanted to say in the meeting after the actual meeting.
Asking lots of people for their opinions until you get the opinion you want.

These behaviors are both credibility and careers killers. So, what do you do if you recognize one or more of these in yourself? Here are some strategies:

Become emotionally fluent
Emotional labor can feel compounded without having the words to describe what feeling you’re working to express or suppress. Start naming what you feel and you experience an increase in your emotional fluency.

Find a healthy emotional outlet
When you don’t have a safe or appropriate place to express how you feel, your emotions are likely to come out in destructive ways — to you and to others. Find a person with whom you can share openly and honestly. Find an activity that allows you to release your emotion, whether it’s yoga or a book club. Do something that lets you express yourself directly, honestly, and regularly.
Make a deal with your future self
Badmouthing your boss might feel terrific today — but it won’t tomorrow. Playing devil’s advocate with your colleague might feel like a victory today — but it won’t tomorrow. Before you engage in any behavior that might give you instant emotional relief, think about your last “shame hangover”. Think about how you’d prefer to feel tomorrow. Your future self will thank you for considering her emotional needs.

Emotional labor is work, indeed. And it’s worth doing the work to make sure the behaviors that emerge from managing emotions are ones that boost rather than break a career. Writer Omar Itani has been quoted as saying ‘I cannot regret something that has taught me valuable and worthwhile lessons in life”. And further, author Dan Pink who has recently written a book on the topic of regret defines courage as looking regret in the eye and doing something about it. Personally, I like it!

And one more thing. Just in case you hunger for more, Inc. published an article this week that sees the apology that a certain actor issued following a much regretted behavior as being a ‘Master Class in Emotional Intelligence’. Regardless of one’s position, if he/she has made a major mistake, the related apology serves as a case study with invaluable takeaways.’ It’s definitely an interesting interpretation and good read and maybe helps to put this to bed.
Mike Dorman

Mar 23 2022

The Great Migration from the Workplace … Why and What?

One doesn’t have to go far to experience what the lack of needed employees does to our experience and the ability of a business to function effectively. For starters simply visit your local restaurant. You’ll find parties waiting in the lobby for an available table. You’ll also find many empty tables making it obvious that it’s not space that’s the issue. Rather it’s the inability to find people wanting the available jobs being offered.

help wanted sign

Unfortunately, the ‘Great Resignation’, as it is being called, is knowing no boundaries. It is being experienced in restaurants and hotels. Education and health services, transportation and utilities, financial activities as well as professional and business services are in the same boat. The numbers of people who are leaving jobs and without necessarily having their next one is setting records. It is anticipated that even as we hopefully emerge from the threat that COVID has provided, being an employee’s world will remain with us for much of 2022.

WHY ARE WE HAVING THE RECORD RESIGNATIONS NOW BEING EXPERIENCED?

Higher pay, COVID burnout and a lack of career-development opportunities have been cited as factors. But that’s not the whole story. Marcel Schwantes, the founder of Leadership from the Core believes it’s a simple explanation provided in his contribution to INC. It comes down to four little words that provide the explanation for the job flight that has hit record numbers. Feedback that goes unheard.

To alter the current direction being experienced, a management solution organization (Explorance) surveyed some 2000 full-time and part-time employed adults seeking an understanding of ‘why’. The findings were clearly thought-provoking and motivating. As eager as employees are to share their feedback with employers hoping for positive change, their feedback goes unheard. As a result, there is no meaningful change.

These are other factors that play a large role is the exodus being experienced:

Working Remotely
It is well established that the remote work requirement that became a necessity during COVID also became preferred by many. With organizations now requiring workers to return to an office workplace, there are many not wanting to do that. They have learned to efficiently perform from home and that is how they want to continue their work lives.

Upset with the COVID work experience
Learning to be productive and function well in an often-imposed remote manner was a learning experience for all concerned. Some employees were unhappy with the ways in which they felt treated and valued especially in the early months. Feeling they were forced to put in longer hours by working at home, they speak to the resulting burnout.
Switching Careers
The changes that workers were forced to embrace led to some self-evaluation. What they missed related to their sense of accomplishment and satisfaction led some to make a switch. Understandably, healthcare workers experienced this. Feeling unchallenged and unfulfilled made this time ripe for change.
Work-Life Balance

Working remotely clearly blurred the line between ones’ workday and the remainder of a day. Having both one’s office and home be one and the same, blurred the lines of division. Thus, the desired and needed balance faded to the background bringing frustration and unhappiness.

WHAT CAN ORGANIZATIONS DO TO CURTAIL THE GREAT RESIGNATION?

As head-scratching as this question seems, the answer might be quite simple. Focusing on why people are resigning at a record-breaking rate through exit interviews is valuable to gain that understanding. However, the solution might well be in conducting ‘stay’ interviews. Sabina Nawaz in her article in the Harvard Business Review made some insightful suggestions. She sees as the key to stay interviews is asking questions that address what the exit interviews reveal. Having such one-on-one interviews with employees that remain will lead to potential solutions.

picture frame

What’s your frame of mind today?
Encourage people to express a full range of emotions and don’t attempt to solve the problem or negate their experience. You want to encourage and acknowledge their honesty in sharing their experience and feelings.

Who do you feel connected to at work?
Friendships create a bond that work like gravity. And it has been found that friendships at work relate to enhanced productivity. Thus, once one knows of a connection that exists work to create situations that will deepen that friendship. With this information the leader can create work situations that allow this friendship to be furthered.
What barriers can I remove for you?
Having a manager remove barriers that inhibit employees from achieving their goals is very meaningful. Often praise or rewards are offered which makes the leader feel good however don’t impact the employee or their work. Then, with this information devise ways in concert with the employee that the identified things can be achieved.
What new thing would you like to learn that will excite you and aid your growth?
Doing this will demonstrate that you care about the employee. Not only for the work they produce but also for what the company can do to aid their growth and success. Doing this you demonstrate that you are their advocate for helping them achieve their personal goals.

Could the key to slowing the Great Resignation be as simple as employers or managers listening to and acting upon employee feedback? Combining exit interviews with ‘stay’ interviews will provide organizational leaders with balanced knowledge. As such, it is realistic to believe that the current ‘great resignation will diminish. And that likelihood is enhanced because of what will be learned from the ‘stay’ interviews. These will serve to make inroads into reengaging employees and halting the bleeding of talent from organizations. They will also strengthen skills of managers and the desire of employees to continue working with them.
Mike Dorman

Mar 09 2022

Impactful Leadership Lessons From the Ukraine

With varying degrees of horror and serious concern the past 10 days have been filled with ongoing news pertaining to Russia’s drive to re-claim the Ukraine as their own. It is very clear that the majority of the world is behind Ukraine’s fight for their lives and their future.

zelenskyy photo

On one side of this war … the ‘David’ of this contest … is one Volodymyr Zelenskyy … Ukraine’s president. It’s a role he has had since 2019. And his background that made his ascending to this position a natural? None for he was an entertainer and comedian. What he does demonstrate is that leaders can truly come from everywhere!

One strength that Zelenskyy’s background as a comic helped him develop was his ability to understand what motivates and inspires people. As we see and read daily is that he is using these skills to take them through the darkest of times. Here are the skills that he is employing in his leadership role. They are skills that are applicable and effective when used by any and all leaders.

As it is, Zelenskyy’s practices provide a very effective check list for a leader in any capacity within any organization to consider in self-evaluation:

Be Seen By Those One Leads
To the extent one wants to be admired and respected as a leader it’s simple … they must be seen. The transparent leader builds credibility and therefore trust and cooperation. No hiding behind rules and regulations will bring these critical results.

Be Both Active and Engaged With Those You Lead
Being willing to be a part of the needed action inspires others to want to follow one’s example. Being a ‘do as I do’ rather than ‘do as I say’ creates cohesiveness in achieving the goals of the organization.

Lead By Example
Too often leaders tend to stay in the background and lead through the likes of memos from the back of the room. Yet demonstrating one’s interest and willingness to be in the trenches in helping to achieve the goals has a very positive impact on followers. Leading by example breeds loyalty and enthusiasm to achieve the mission.
Communicate In the Most Effective Way Possible
Addressing followers in a manner that makes us realize that this is just one person who is the same whether have an individual or group conversation. Speaking with the press or being interviewed on television we hear the same person that we might know as leader. No playing a role. Rather just being a true self earns the respect and loyalty of those operating under the leadership.

Jessica Stillman, in writing for INC. magazine, quotes a Wharton professor, Adam Grant. He believes that “What makes leaders great isn’t just their internal characteristics, but their ability to understand and reflect the values and identity of those they lead.” Thus, this becomes the foundation of Zelenskyy’s approach. Grant further makes the point that “Psychologists find that we’re drawn to leaders who represent our group. The people we elevate into positions of authority aren’t typical members of our group–they’re prototypical members of our group. They’re the people we see as exemplifying the ideals of the group and acting in the best interests of the group.”

joining hands of the world

Zelenskyy ran to win the presidency of Ukraine a short 2+ years ago. He was determined to bring calm and peace to different factions within his country. He lack of experience as a politician caught the attention and support of the citizens. It’s a safe bet to think that he did not envision leading his country while embroiled in a war that threatens their very existence. Yet here he is … the comedian … who has risen to this very real-life threatening challenge to win the loyalty of his fellow Ukranians and the admiration of so much of the world.

I encourage all of us to use this leadership example as a litmus test to evaluate our own approach to leading. It makes no difference if one is leading an entire company, a department or a team. Leadership that embraces the ‘Zelenskyy methods’ cannot help but the develop the loyalty and following of those very ones on whom the desired success depends. He shows himself remaining resolute in adversity and still, always human and accessible.
Mike Dorman

Feb 23 2022

Succeeding Against All Odds – Our Personal Olympic Challenge

It’s a good guess that most of us watched at least a small amount of the winter Olympics over the past two weeks. And it’s highly likely that we have heard and read the criticisms directed at them. ‘Them’ includes NBC for their overall coverage … suspected doping scandals directed at a certain government and the focus on the individual Olympian failures. These factors combined with an enormous time difference and general viewer fatigue resulted in the lowest viewership of all time or close to it.

aerial skier

And yet, there were victories celebrated by athletes who have spent untold and unimaginable hours over years preparing for this opportunity to compete. Being on this world stage for the chance to medal was the motivation that help them stay their course and do the job that this success would require. There was one team that was a true standout, and they took home nothing made from metal. Rather, they won and took home greater drive and determination than they came with. They returned home committed to a plan to return yet again, confident of their future victories. This is truly against all odds given that they hail from a place that has NO colder winter weather than 75 degrees. I am referring to Jamaica.

Just watching the 4-man bobsled team cheer after crossing the finish line in last place of all competing teams was noticeable and attention getting. Afterall, it represented the first time in 24 years (their first and only Olympic appearance in 1988) that they again qualified to bring their team back to compete. I was moved to ponder what it took for such a team to stay their course. What enabled them to defy the odds and so-called conventional wisdom? And finally, how can these traits be applied to all of us as individuals having a dream and vision for the success we want for our careers? What are the habits of those who have and can defy the odds?

WHAT ARE THE TRAITS THAT HELP US DEFY THE ODDS?

Here are some of the more dominant attributes of people determined to win and seeing that completely in their hands and their power:

They do what they love.
When you’re passionate and excited about something, it ceases to have the ‘work’ tag attached to it. “When you’re engaged in such work, you do not want to stop,” says psychotherapist, Nick Terrone. He references Vincent Van Gogh as an example. “Van Gogh sold only one piece during his lifetime, yet his passion drove him to paint almost 900 works. The key? Find your passion.”
They focus on a goal.
The challenge associated with achieving a goal can increase one’s motivation. However, this doesn’t mean just focusing on climbing to the very top of this mountain is the way to success. Rather than being overwhelmed, start with smaller goals and continue to increase them as you accomplish various steps or stages.
They manage their inside team.
We all have and carry around with us our personal teams made up of ‘individuals’ of voices. They have the ability and do remind us of reasons we can or can’t accomplish something that we aim to achieve. If we are not careful, we can allow our team member voices to hijack our goals. However, the fact is that we can control and manage such internal dialogue in ways that enable us to stay our chosen course.
They believe in themself.

Confidence is always a valuable ingredient to succeeding in whatever we endeavor to do. And … it becomes even more important when we encounter obstacles that we must overcome. It helps to defy whatever falls into the so-called conventional wisdom arena. This person communicates with certainty that any challenge can and will be met.
They are persistent and determined.
These are two qualities that are considered very essential for a person wanting to triumph over adversity. Although success is desired and envisioned by many it can be accompanied by challenges that seem too great and thus, we give up. And yet, it is some failure we experience that enables us to develop these needed attributes.
An ability to see solutions overrides obstacles.
This person is so connected to the goal of what they want to and believe they can achieve. They continually, creatively see an obstacle as something to get around. Be it a true obstacle or an error made, they are driven and determined to learn along the way to achievement.
Ask for help and support.
We do not and cannot live in isolation and having others in your circle is a good thing. Undoubtedly there are going to be times when one is challenged and even having thoughts of giving up the goal. This is the time to ask others who likely have faced the same challenge for help and are willing to do so. Asking not only gets around the obstacle … it also helps one regain their ’second wind’ of inspiration.

APPLYING THE JAMAICAN LESSON TO OURSELVES AND HOW WE WIN GOLD

The Jamaican bobsled team crashed out of competition in 1988. Still, they walked across the finish line carrying their sled while cheering and waving to the crowd. And, most importantly, it created a determination on their part to dig in and stay the course that would help them qualify again which didn’t happen until this year’s Olympics. Were they successful? To them absolutely in that they completed the course without any incident. And more importantly because it was one step closer to achieving their ultimate goal. According to Jamaican Bobsleigh Federation President Chris Stokes, “Our big plan for 2026 is to qualify for four events, two teams per event, and to have someone on the podium in 2030.”

Although achieving the highest of personal goals may be easy for a fortunate few, it is often far from it for most of us.

The Jamaican team should make us wonder … if they can do something of this magnitude, why can’t I? The fact is that you can as long as you bring the needed goal setting and tenacity on the ride. Isn’t it great to realize that we and we alone are the master of our destiny. Anything that appears to get in the way is only a temporary obstacle that we can circumvent. Envision celebrating your success … your gold … while relaxing on the beaches of Jamaica … the place of inspiration. Seems like a great combination and goal.
Mike Dorman

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