Effective Communication Archives

Jul 20 2022

Feeling Undervalued at Work? What You Can and Should Do About It!

Who has ever said that moving into a ‘new normal’ is or has ever been an easy transition? How to conduct a business in general, how to develop an effective hybrid or partially hybrid team is a challenge. And while this is an ‘in progress’ happening on the part of organizations, employees are becoming more vocal. About what? Many increasingly easily express how they do not feel valued and an important part of the business equation.

Of course, this is not beneficial from any vantage point. A team member who believes their work and effort is not seen as a valuable contribution to success becomes demoralized and if left unaddressed, digs a path to the door. My curiosity has me wondering to what extent there is truth and fact feeding this feeling or is the cause more in the minds of the ones experiencing this? In either case there are actions and evaluations that one can do to alter this course.

To clarify, what does it look like to be valued at work? There are 4 key factors or measurement tools that are particularly good indicators as follows:

Receiving verbal recognition.
They recognize contributions one is making toward the overall team effort is a strategy used by management. Certainly, this reinforces our sense of the value we bring to the effort.
Performance reviews that provide positive feedback.
These indicate positive ratings for various categories included in the review. These confirm the employee’s success in their efforts to contribute as needed and expected.

Receiving fair compensation for one’s work.
This should reflect for their contribution, skills, experience and learning they have successfully done.

Have clarity pertaining to opportunities for their advancement.
When employees know there is a path to growth and more responsibilities that can earn promotions, they know their skills and talent are valued by the company.

Let’s imagine that you are not receiving some of the above measures of being valued by others and you begin to question your worth. Here are some key tale-tale indicators that might validate your fear, concern, and actions you can take:

One sees themself as invisible as their opinions are not taken seriously.
Perhaps your thoughts are dismissed as unrelated, insignificant or unimportant. Or you hear your ideas passed off by another as theirs.
Action
Consider asking where others see that your thinking and approach went off course. This approach avoids someone else feeling challenged and the input received can be valuable.
Others on the team consider you the go-to for office work.
However, you are not receiving the projects/assignments that can result in advancement.
Action
Look for and identify aspects of the overall work that the leaders are doing and express your ability and interest in taking this over to their benefit. You may have been put into the category of the go-to person simply because you have always been so willing to respond positively. You can bring notice to yourself through taking such an active approach.

You are experiencing micro-management from those to whom you report.
This conveys a potential lack of confidence and trust on the part of the ‘boss’’ This can result in one’s diminished interest and passion for the work you are assigned.
Action
Point out that you are working to meet the deadline for the work for which you are responsible. Relate that the need to frequently update another as to where you are and undergo an examination of your work at frequent stages impacts your ability to meet the needed deadline. Ask for input as to what the concern is that leads to this tendency to closely monitor and ask if there is another way that one would prefer you approach the work.
You are doing an excellent job and yet believe you are being underpaid.
You are acknowledged for the work you do. You are praised for your contribution and your performance review is very positive. Still, you believe that your strong and valued performance is worthy of salary increase that are seemingly overlooked.
Action
Gather factual data related to the money being paid to others performing a similar role. Perhaps this comes from a trusted associate or someone at another company. Then, develop your presentation around your contributions, your knowledge and the growth you have done that justifies salary growth. Talk to the person able to bring about the change you believe is warranted. This could well be a case of the squeaky wheel. Managers are also busy and are not always sensitive to the needs and desire of those they oversee.

In the overall, it is critical that one communicates their concern pertaining to seeing themselves as undervalued. Taking these steps will put your thoughts, concerns and desires on the table where they belong before change can happen:

Make a list of the contributions for which you are responsible.
Provide very factual evidence of what you have achieved and your contributions to the overall effort of the team, department or organization overall.

Request to meet with your manager.
Work to find a time wherein both of you will be able to focus as opposed to having a rushed meeting.

Express your concerns.
Include your desire to feel of value and feel more appreciation for your contribution. Share some of the key contributions you have made that warrant acknowledgement. Share in what ways you feel you are undervalued in your job.

- - No pay increases since you started your current position
  - Little recognition for the job being done
  - Limited or no opportunities for growth
  - So-so performance evaluations

Provide your suggested solutions for this situation.
Offer your thoughts as to various ways this situation can be resolved as you see it encouraging discussion that leads to improvement.

Increase your visibility
Get involved in projects or related tasks that are technically outside of your normal work. Find ways to make yourself known as no one will seek you out if they don’t know who you are and what you can bring to the table

Openly and enthusiastically seek the boss’s perspective.
You are likely to be discussing an issue about which he has had no knowledge of. By being open to her/his view of your input you show your willingness and interest in finding a solution. It is the solution that is potentially going to alter your situation for the better.

Be your own best advocate.
Being able to speak confidently and directly to the strengths you offer and the related contribution to the overall success is key. If you differ in the way you have been evaluated on any given topic, you are the one to provide your perspective of the difference. It is likely that the leader will hear and willingly consider your input.

Truly feeling undervalued at work is not a place anyone wants to be. There can be a wide range of warning signs that this is the case in your workplace and not all are immediately obvious. When you think you notice any such signs it is particularly important that YOU take action. Keep in mind that only YOU own your career and the related growth. Do you want change? Just take needed steps and you open the door to money, advancement and job satisfaction.
Mike Dorman

Apr 06 2022

The Courage to Look Regret in the Eye

A week ago, much of the world had the chance to witness someone act in a way that brought about very real and heartfelt backlash. People willingly and openly expressed varying opinions as to what was right or wrong. And very unfortunately, this became what is and probably will continue to be a lasting memory of this event and the individuals involved.

From any vantage point witnessing a regrettable action becomes a cringe worthy happening. And rather than feeling very disassociated from seeing or hearing this, I wonder who among us hasn’t been ‘there’? Who has not, in the course of living, done something at some time that we regretted? Perhaps, it was something we said or some physical act we did. Regardless, our action left us with wishing we could have handled ‘it’ differently and avoided the resulting and very unintended consequences.

Regret is defined as a feeling of sadness, repentance or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. One place that I have experienced and continue to see this occur is within organizations. There, things can be and are done by someone that quickly replaces an initial sense of satisfaction with true regret. And rarely is a workplace act of a physical nature. It’s more often something said … or not said … that brings about an undesirable reaction or action.

Deborah Grayson Riegel is a leadership consultant who sees ‘work as hard … which is why it’s called ‘work’. Every day, we face challenges that range from solving difficult technical issues and making hard choices between competing priorities. We need to know what we should delegate and decide on new solution to old problems. And we are expected to do all of this while staying calm, cool and collected. Riegel sees the need for us to maintain a professional demeanor in the face of daily workplace stress can feel like it’s own full-time job or what she calls ‘emotional labor’. This is where we actively manage our feelings and the expression of those feelings. Doing so enables us to have professionally appropriate interactions with customers, clients, co-workers, and higher-ups. It includes both the expression of emotions and the suppression of emotions that are felt but cannot be expressed.’

As Riegel sees this, the expectation to consistently express positive emotions at work can feel difficult. But not managing to suppress negative emotions can be damaging — especially when these emotions trickle out in other ways. And when they do ooze out, they often lead to behaviors that may feel good in the moment as we release some pent-up negativity. However, doing so tends to cause a “shame hangover” the next day. Here are some examples:

Giving someone the silent treatment, hoping they’ll take the initiative and ask you, “Hey, did I do something wrong?”
Making cruel comments about someone’s appearance.
Telling someone “I need to talk to you” and then letting them worry until the meeting.
Speaking negatively about someone behind one’s back (a boss, colleague, or client).
Playing devil’s advocate just because you enjoy it.
Taking credit for someone else’s idea.
Telling someone why the idea she’s really excited about won’t work, without offering helpful insights.
Saying “I told you so” (or its equivalent).
Sharing what you really wanted to say in the meeting after the actual meeting.
Asking lots of people for their opinions until you get the opinion you want.

These behaviors are both credibility and careers killers. So, what do you do if you recognize one or more of these in yourself? Here are some strategies:

Become emotionally fluent
Emotional labor can feel compounded without having the words to describe what feeling you’re working to express or suppress. Start naming what you feel and you experience an increase in your emotional fluency.

Find a healthy emotional outlet
When you don’t have a safe or appropriate place to express how you feel, your emotions are likely to come out in destructive ways — to you and to others. Find a person with whom you can share openly and honestly. Find an activity that allows you to release your emotion, whether it’s yoga or a book club. Do something that lets you express yourself directly, honestly, and regularly.
Make a deal with your future self
Badmouthing your boss might feel terrific today — but it won’t tomorrow. Playing devil’s advocate with your colleague might feel like a victory today — but it won’t tomorrow. Before you engage in any behavior that might give you instant emotional relief, think about your last “shame hangover”. Think about how you’d prefer to feel tomorrow. Your future self will thank you for considering her emotional needs.

Emotional labor is work, indeed. And it’s worth doing the work to make sure the behaviors that emerge from managing emotions are ones that boost rather than break a career. Writer Omar Itani has been quoted as saying ‘I cannot regret something that has taught me valuable and worthwhile lessons in life”. And further, author Dan Pink who has recently written a book on the topic of regret defines courage as looking regret in the eye and doing something about it. Personally, I like it!

And one more thing. Just in case you hunger for more, Inc. published an article this week that sees the apology that a certain actor issued following a much regretted behavior as being a ‘Master Class in Emotional Intelligence’. Regardless of one’s position, if he/she has made a major mistake, the related apology serves as a case study with invaluable takeaways.’ It’s definitely an interesting interpretation and good read and maybe helps to put this to bed.
Mike Dorman

Dec 01 2021

Reconsidering the Approach to Performance Reviews and Making Them REALLY Count

There are a few reasons that performance reviews are important to both the employee/team member and the organization. They provide valuable feedback on how their performance is seen by managers to whom they report. They provide guidance to the employee as to how and what they can do to improve performance and thus, become more valuable to the organization. They also provide an opportunity for recognition of successful performance and a potential reward for such. These all represent significant value to both the employee and the organization.

Frequently when collaborating with a client the subject of a performance review is raised by that person. What I hear most often is in the form of complaints. Expressed frustration centers around the fact that “I haven’t had a review in almost two years.” Or … “my boss only wants to tell me everything I’m doing wrong and is very discouraging.” In my opinion … not good and this experience clearly works against the potential value that a thorough and reliable review can hold for all concerned.

THE MISSING INGREDIENTS OF TOO MANY REVIEWS

Here are some of the issues that are raised pertaining to reviews in too many organizations:

A performance review is seen by many as something to be done once a year … usually around ones’ anniversary date. And then, it’s put into one’s employee file and remains there until the next time … a long year later. As such there is little that serves to be motivational for the employee.

Too often it represents only the boss’s opinion of a performance without discussion or the ability to question and even disagree. This rather than striving to achieve a shared understanding between both parties.

It is often completed without any clear, definitive plan for growth and improvement having been discussed or established

It ends without knowing that the employee heard the entire message that the reviewer wants them to hear and understand. This risks that the takeaway will be only what the person might easily see as negatives.

REWORKING THE REVIEW PROCESS TO INSPIRE THE DESIRED IMPACT

For sure it doesn’t have to be this way. In fact, if seen and used as the impactful tool that a boss has at her/his fingertips it can be amazingly effective in helping the employee move in the desired direction. Movement can be faster and more purposeful. It can communicate how important each member of the team is to the overall success of the organization. It can emphasize the reality that it is the TEAM that is going to enable the to organization to achieve all the established goals.

Set a specific date and t ime with the individual to provide their performance review within 1 or 2 weeks of one’s work anniversary. It becomes a ‘to do’ date on the calendars of all involved. In doing this you allow them to look forward to and anticipate something that is especially important to all.

Give the employee a blank review form asking them to complete as a form of self-evaluation and bring it to the set review appointment. Doing this will provide the areas of similarity and variance in how each party sees performance in any given category. This helps to bring focus to specific areas that will center much of the conversation.

Suggest that the report take notes of key points discussed as the review proceeds. This is a way of making certain they leave the meeting with the full story that has been discussed.

Discussions pertaining to the review should focus on strengths and opportunities … not good and bad. The inherent value is the reviewee leaving with a clear understanding of where they excel and where their growth opportunities lie.

Where there is a marked difference in the rating of one completed form vs. the other be curious. Learn how and why the reviewee has rated themselves as they have. This can be a difference in either direction. With good explanation be prepared to alter the ‘official’ review rating if the person’s reasoning is accurate.

In each assessment category, be specific in discussing and considering steps that one can take to grow. As well, clearly identify what you as the reviewer are committed to do to help further that growth in the coming months/year.

In approaching the end of the review session, ask the report to repeat back to you what their takeaway is. It allows the reviewer to clarify and add anything missed as it is important they leave with the full understanding of strengths and growth areas.

Consider and view the review document as a dynamic, living one that can and will be used for on-going check-ins with the report. This will serve to motivate continued use of their acknowledged strengths as well as to aid growth and development.

Commit to having a brief (5 to 10 minute) monthly conversation with each report wherein you look to identify changes you see and training that you know has been done. Doing this and addressing any questions one might have conveys ones’ personal interest in a report’s success.

There is little doubt that each person approaching their review is anxious to hear and understand how they are valued by organization. Keeping it front and center throughout the year has some key positives. The employees know they are seen in their entirety. They know that their ‘boss’ is on their team and invested in their success. They are motivated to prove their worthiness to the organizational team. Rightfully, they have valid reason to anticipate a salary increase and even upward movement within the organization. Bottom line? Treat the review like a plan-a-gram to maintenance, growth and development. The by-product is a team that is loyal, driven and committed to the very success that is every organization’s goal.
Mike Dorman

Nov 04 2019

Advanced Technology ~ How It Helps and Hinders Effective Communication and Success in the Workplace

Effective communication within the workplace has always presented a challenge to accomplishing the task at hand when doing so requires the efforts of more than one person. I have addressed this issue previously through the several years I have been blogging based on my experience in working with people in various organizations and at various levels of responsibility. The first time I tackled the topic was a long seven years ago in the blog entitled ‘Clear Communication – A Great Place to Start in Minimizing Re-work’. Yet that was then and we are in a different place now.

It is not that today, there is any less need for clear communication or any less cost of the re-work that often follows when it is not done with clarity and agreed upon understanding. The difference is the introduction and continual evolution of more and more advanced technology that is having an enormous impact on how we communicate, the speed of the communication and the overall impact that this is having on the work accomplished and the related effectiveness of it.

What I find so interesting is that for the most part we have all experienced the significant differences on our methods of communicating with our co-workers or our customers. And yet … a topic that often comes to the forefront when coaching with an individual or a team is the errors that occur in the work being done and the cost that creates in the form of correcting them and delays in the delivery of the finished product to customers or simply to other internal people needing it to do their part.

I want to be clear. Much has been written about all of the advantages of the technology advances at work. There is no argument that …

It has expanded our ability to deliver a consistent message to a broader range of people helping to insure that all are hearing (reading?) the same input at the same time.

It has enhanced the speed of the communication that is imperative to the work being done and thus, increases efficiency to it. The significant added benefit is the reduction of costs related to our getting the message out.

It has introduced various options to the communication path we choose to take that can more effectively be tailored to both individuals and the numbers of them that we need to reach.

It has made the world smaller as it relates to co-workers or customers who are located in other offices and thatoffers definite advantages related to each having the same and clear understanding of the goals and processes used to achieve them.

The list of the gains and advantages that developing technology has delivered can easily go on as it is extensive. However, what I become aware of are the added problems that are rearing up that can be attributed to the wondrous tech advances. Here are some having their own impact … impact that can be seen as unintended consequences:

A developing reduction in our ability to interact with others
When we don’t use any area of our brain over time, the ability to use the related skills simply diminish according to scientists. The parts of the brain that are affected by technology mostly relate to an individual’s communication and social skills. Whereas older people in the workplace didn’t grow up relying on technology, within the millennial generation technology is second nature. Thus, they are lacking within their experience the inclination and ability to interact and communicate beyond a digital interface. With this group becoming and a larger and larger portion of the work force, it brings with them some added challenges.
Multi-tasking taken to a new and less productive level
The ability to maintain focus on more than one task has been an advantage that many enjoy. Yet it is the person’s decision to go from one thing to another while balancing the work they have to do. Today’s technology seems to have removed that choice and rather, the pop-up notices, the beeps or music signals something new arriving and seems to dictate that the person must attend to whatever it is and Thus the multi-tasking has become known as multi-distracting and has been shown to negatively impact productivity.

Diminished communication skills as a negative unless dealing with only robots
Many of the skills we need and employ when having face-to-face communication with other individuals simply are not required when our communication is solely using the tools that technology has provided. Things like proper grammar, body language, and social cues are all disabled through technology. Thus abusing the use of the many technological advances will have an undesirable impact … this is, as long as we have and need human interaction in business.

Successful social skills are simply diminished and that’s NOT a value
With all of the advantages that the technology of today and tomorrow do and will offer, theydo not replace the value and contribution that developing and nurturing social contact brings to the table. At least today, this is a highly contributing factor to a successful ‘deal’ and outcome.

If technology reduces person-to-person communication, say hello to rising stress levels, missed deadlines, low morale and reduced overall health.
This is what some complain about as taking place within their organizations. The personal sense of isolation is furthered by our use of all of the exciting tools that are constantly being introduced and utilized. It is, however, bringing with it new levels of realities that take away from the very satisfaction we strive to have … personally and collectively.

Seven years ago my blog was focused on the cost of re-work when communication between people wasn’t clear and understood in the very same way by all involved parties. So, yes, the communication taking place today has enhanced the potential of participants having the same understanding about what needs to happen and that is good. And yet today, and because the tools we have are designed to further clarity among all involved, they have arrived having an impact on the interpersonal communication we still need to achieve the full and positive outcome required to maximize success.

With each new and developing tech advancement, we need to become more sensitive to what skills stand to be diminished and if that carries an undesirable cost, plan accordingly so we can have it all!
Mike Dorman

Feb 21 2019

Is the Negotiating Style You’ve Witnessed in D.C. A Good Fit for You? You Have Choices.

Following the negotiations taking place in Washington D.C. for the past several weeks many with whom I work have been curious to understand what a good negotiation looks like. In particular they have become interested in what makes for the most successful style and approach in terms of reaching an agreement that they see as successful.

It’s a very interesting issue to consider because in so many ways and especially as related to our jobs, we have so many occasions to negotiate in order to achieve the direction we think something should go … or the salary we believe we should receive … or the position we desire to hold. As this has become a topic of coaching conversation recently I believe it to be something worthy of exploring for all of us.

ManagerDoor.com is an on-line organization that is a learning tool of relevant information for employees. In writing about negotiating they make these observations:

From awakening each day until we are again asleep our lives are filled with negotiations … be it navigating our way through traffic, asking for time off or a raise, or trying to coming to an agreement with our partners or children for something they or we want … we are in various states of negotiating.
Negotiating is a process that enables us to get what we want. It can be fast or can take a prolonged period of time.
Whereas some things for which we negotiate can be relatively simple and easy, others are critical as doing it right or wrong can have a big impact on us as an individual.
There are different styles of negotiating and although one may be more appropriate in a given case, using the wrong style can have a huge impact one on the outcome and the person doing it.

Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Killman have worked with many organizations in the area of conflict and the related resolution. As such they have identified five styles of resolution and involve negotiating to achieve whatever the intended goal that are widely accepted in the business world. These are:

Competing (I win – You lose)
This style of negotiation is best described as competitive. Negotiators using this style are looking out for their own needs. They use a variety of tactics to get what they want and their concern for the relationship is low.
Accommodating (I Lose – You Win)
This style of negotiation is all about the relationship and is the polar opposite of the Competing style. By giving everything to the other party one is hopeful that maybe in time they will do the same.
Compromising (I Lose / Win Some – You Lose/ Win Some)
The old adage ‘pick your battles’ applies here. This style values the relationship and acknowledges that there is a loss but it is better to compromise then completely lose. This style is common when the negotiating parties have a high level of trust between each other and there are time restrictions.
Collaborating (I Win – You Win)
Collaborative negotiators are innovators! They recognize that both parties have needs that must be met and take the time to find creative solutions to this common challenge.
Avoiding (I Lose – You Lose)
This style is a ‘passive aggressive style’. The user of this style is unassertive and uncooperative. They do not immediately pursue their own concerns or the other parties nor do they ever address the conflict. The adopters of this style won’t address the conflict yet they will seek ways of retribution.

All styles have advantages and risks. Sometimes one style may be more useful in certain situations than in others. In order to be the most effective negotiator, we must recognize our own tendency, assess as best as possible the counterpart’s style, and adjust our own to allow for smoother negotiations. While the collaborative style may not make sense in all negotiations, this mode can be especially effective with business situations because of the long-term nature of the relationships internally and externally, as well as the need for strong substantive negotiation outcomes.

As the above styles are generally accepted as the different ways to approach and conduct a negotiation there are also a choice of strategies. Chris Voss, the CEO of the Black Swan Group has identified them as such:

The Assertive is “win” oriented. Often direct and blunt to the point of being harsh. This type isgenerally lacking in empathy and sees time as money. They get big victories early on, but then burn people out. They ultimately drive people, relationships and opportunities away.
The Analyst is “win” oriented also, just not as “in-your-face”. They love data and detailed preparation. They view time as “as long as it takes to get it right”. They often seem cold and distant. They’re always prepared, or they won’t talk to you until they are. Their desire to prepare, not get overly rattled and think things through is an advantage.
The Accommodator is relationship oriented and the most likable. Being likeable is a great asset, needing to be liked is a great vulnerability. Voss quotes Stuart Diamond (author of Getting More) say people are six times more likely to make a deal with someone they like. This is no small edge.

Based on this information I’m not sure how I would classify the negotiations that have been and are continuing within our government in D.C. Of course we’re all individually hoping that things go as we would like them to go. And while we can’t have direct input to what happens, we can definitely use our observations to sensitize ourselves to the type of negotiation that we believe fits our own needs, personalities and style as well as assessing the other person with whom we are negotiating.

It appears that devoting some advance planning prior to launching a negotiation will have definite benefits In doing so we just may have increased the likelihood of our personally being successful in achieving whatever we pursue.
Mike Dorman

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