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Jul 06 2022

When Leaders Apologize and The Impact on Ones They Lead

cancelled flights

The news has been filled with horror stories pertaining to airline travel throughout the industry.  The percentage of cancelled flights is mind boggling to say nothing of the havoc it wrecks on unsuspecting travelers. It has resulted in people looking forward to long delayed vacations sad, disappointed and just angry.

One leader … the CEO of Delta Airlines, Ed Bastian … was motivated to deliver an apology via letter to the most loyal customers and on Delta’s website. Bill Murphy, contributing editor at INC.com, praised this action as ‘a lesson in effective leadership’. You can dismiss this simply thinking that this example is from the CEO of one of the major companies in the world. And as such it may be easier. Yet, the need to be able to apologize is of greater importance and of greater potential impact in smaller organizations.

stacked boxes

Unfortunately, the apparent rarity of saying “I’m sorry” at the top of company, team or store is causing challenges especially today.  Given the stress and insecurity that have been a by-product of the past two+ years the need and advisability of this has achieved new height. I believe there are few, if any, leaders that would claim they’ve made only right and good decisions especially during this time.  Employees are often told of their errors and what they need to be doing better. It is important that these same individuals understand that errors and poor decisions can be and are made at all levels.  They are not limited to position, organizational size, type of business or scope of operation.

Offering an apology that motivates and encourages those being led 

ownership sign

The foundation of an apology is the ownership it conveys saying that “I was and am responsible”. A mature and responsible leader knows that in some way they are a good part of the problem, and they willingly claim their share of anything that goes wrong. Here’s the bottom line.  If ‘the boss’ makes an error or has made a decision that results in errors, an apology is in order.  It is thus acknowledged and the steps that will be taken to ‘fix it’.  It builds trust and a closer relationship with those who report to you as leader.  Here are come suggested ways to do so effectively:

  • First, reflect on what was done or said.
    Think about and analyze the overall situation and the impact the action had on an individual or team.

  • Deliver the apology in person if possible … however don’t delay.
    Where the apology is directed at just one person, looking them in the eye and owning the leader’s

    im sorry sign

    contribution to the issue is important for the leader’s credibility. This will allow the employee to feel more comfortable and confident to express themselves during the meeting. If in-person not immediately possible contact the individual in another way asap.

  • Take responsibility for your actions as leader.
    After expressing remorse, provide specific actions and/or behavior that was done and the impact on the person or persons involved.

  • Lead the acknowledgement of the problem by going first.
    Doing this serves to break the ice and make it okay for others to own their share of the issues and the situation becomes immediately better. 
  • Be direct as to what went wrong and what you, as leader, did.
    Vague doesn’t work. Given that the leader has examined what went wrong, convey in specific, direct terms what he/she did to contribute to the problem is key. It also makes this leader more effective as a leader.

    learn from mistakes sign

  • Don’t defend what has been done.
    A defense is often failing to accept responsibility. Leaders should avoid self-defense and blaming of others. Simply own it and apologize. 
  • Make amends with the individual or group of employees as appropriate.
    After explaining clearly what you as leader has done wrong, detail how this will be corrected and how the error will be avoided in the future. It demonstrates one’s willingness to both correct and overcome the issue.  Doing so encourages reports to do the same. 
  • Don’t confuse explanations with justifications.
    There may well be reasons things happened or didn’t happen that caused the issue. However, the bottom line is there was still failure that occurred and that is never good. Take responsibility as this helps the other person feel better by allowing them to gather their dignity and confidence. In turn, this makes it easier for them to heal after the situation, which allows you to remain respected and appreciated as a supervisor.  
  • Give them time to provide an appropriate response.
    After presenting your apology, allow the employee time to take in your information and devise a response. They may need time to process what happened in the conversation. This may cause them to simply accept your apology or tell you they need time to think. Accept the response they give you and allow them some time to process the situation. They may approach you later with their own apology, or they may express their feelings with a thought-out speech. 

made a mistake sign

Generally speaking, finding oneself in the position of needing to apologize for words or actions expressed to others is not a comfortable place to be. Especially, as a leader, this can and does provide a challenge. To some, being direct and acknowledging responsibility for an error that had trickle-down effect isn’t easy.  To some, it is seen as conveying weakness for as a leader one should know better.  Of course, that’s not true.  To the extent that all leaders see themselves as ongoing learners, mistakes are going to happen.  And that is what learning is all about in any position … even the leader.  The bottom line is: a good boss should apologize after making a real error that offends or misleads their reports be it one or many. It does NOT undermine his position or make him seem weaker
Mike Dorman

Written by Mike · Categorized: Inspirational Leadership, Leader as Learner, Leadership

May 18 2022

Retaining Customers – Added Challenges in the Emerging New Normal

best service stamp 1

Attracting and retaining customers has forever been the drive and the key goal for business of any type. And as the goal it has often presented challenges that have been created by various circumstances not always in the control of the organizations.  This has definitely been the situation of the past 2+ years. Now, in May of 2022, we are hopefully emerging out of the pandemic that in various ways hijacked the best plans and intentions. And, as has often been stated, in emerging we are not returning to the business atmosphere that was. We are emerging to an environment of the new normal. So, in terms of attracting and retaining customers, what does that mean?

First, let’s explore how various organizations have looked at the loss of a customer(s).  Perhaps it was the oldest, biggest or most profitable and the reactions regardless of the customer varied.  I’ve seen some try to laugh it off.  Another was simply angry … at the client given all ‘we have done for them’.  A third reaction was just being sad and puzzled. Yet regardless of the initial reaction actually examining the situation generally takes all to a place of concern.

Upon reflection and examination, what created the puzzle and lack of understanding as to why the customer was lost included:

  • They didn’t recall any negative conversations and viewed this as an easy customer.

  • They may have done a poor job of really listening to their contact and missed some warning signs of discontent.

  • They realized they had no real relationship or interface with any people in higher positions if the customer was a company, thus making them vulnerable.

  • They viewed this customer as a long-term relationship requiring little attention.

Do you see any red flags? I bet you do. Even though doing things to change the above pitfalls seems so logical we find that getting comfortable … too comfortable … is not a rare occurrence.

HOW THE CHALLENGE HAS INTENSIFIED SINCE 2020

angry cust face 1

Now consider today and what might be different that can intensify the threat of losing our customers. It has much to do with what the customers have had to endure and what adapting has required.  Regardless of a particular business thriving in a COVID impacted world or suffering, it is the customer’s lives that have been turned upside down. For us to retain past/current ones or attract new ones we need to focus on and understand what they have endured.

cust service sign

The answer is defined in two simple words … CUSTOMER SERVICE.  Most people do understand that the places they like to go to do business have also been challenged.  Most people have also been extremely frustrated in adapting to the changes that have been imposed … just as the business has.  However the one thing that customers see as in their control is the level of service they receive when working with a company of any type.

Shep Hyken is a customer service and experience expert and a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestselling author. Perhaps logically, he has explored and researched this very issue and the experience of customers navigating the challenges related to doing business. Here are some of his key findings as presented in his Forbes report:

  • There was a major jump in customer inquiries, complaints and support calls. Companies adapted with digital support—some better than others.
  • At first, customers were a bit more understanding about long wait or response times, but quickly lost patience as they realized the companies and brands weren’t making an effort to adapt to their changing needs, which were based on the rapidly changing times.
  • A survey of more than 1,100 consumers found that 50% have prioritized customer service as a deciding factor about whether or not to do business with a brand. If you’re a company that focuses on customer service you could have a competitive advantage.
  • One third (33%) of the consumers surveyed claimed they had switched brands due to poor customer service since the beginning of COVID-19.
  • Sixty-four percent would switch after just two or three bad interactions. Furthermore, 67% report having the same or less patience for bad service since COVID-19 began.

STEPS TAKEN TO RESOLVE THIS THREATENING SITUATION:

Concerning?  For sure and it should be.  And the question becomes what to do about it that will resolve this very real and threatening situation?  Here are some very practical steps to be taken within the entire organization as it relates to customers:

  • Adopt the mindset of ”NEVER AGAIN” and communicate this to all in the organization

  • Look at a loss as a signal of other potential problems within the customer base.  Attributing it as just being ‘that’ customer is a serious oversight.

  • Create a litmus test to perform on each relationship to uncover weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Accept every customer comment as delivering a message that may need to be addressed and improved.
  • Openly share each incident with the organization and certainly the management group to discuss changes that can avoid this going forward regardless of how big or small the issue appears to be.

    here to help sign 1

  • Resolving an issue or answering a problem on the first call makes sense. Nobody wants to keep calling back regarding the same issue a second or third (or fourth or fifth) time. Nobody wants to wait on hold wondering when they are going to get to someone who can help them. That’s customer effort.

Shep Hyken concludes his findings like this. Eighty percent of customers say that when their problems and complaints are managed well, they feel more emotionally connected to the company. Note: You can’t have customer loyalty without an emotional connection.

staff training sign

So, how do you lose customers? Even more important than price or product quality, just give them a bad customer service experience. Make them work hard to get to someone who can help. Waste their time with long hold times, not giving them an option to have a callback. Connect them with people who haven’t been properly trained or don’t have the knowledge to answer questions. If you’re guilty of any of these (or other related customer service blunders), it’s time to change course. In these times of heightened customer expectations and demands, you have to be good enough for them to say, “Even when there is a problem, I can count on them. I’ll be back.” Otherwise, say, “Goodbye.”

litmus paper

The longer we have a relationship with a customer the more relaxed and comfortable it becomes from all sides. However, when easier and comfortable spills over the line wherein we take the relationship for granted we risk finding ourselves on a rocky and unstable path. Clearly the past recent years have left their mark.  It becomes the job of every business to respect and respond to this reality. Does it make sense to take inventory in your customers? Litmus paper is VERY inexpensive and a great tool for an on-going check-up.
Mike Dorman

Written by Mike · Categorized: Changing Business, Customer Management, Leader as Learner, Managing Change

May 04 2022

The Risks Of Acting Solely On the Basis of Our Assumptions

challenge assumptions 1

Regardless of type or size of an organization, one challenge that has permeated most, at all levels, is the tendency and willingness of people to move forward on a project, in their overall job or simply general conversation based on what they understood.  We often just assume that we ‘get it’ and don’t need to or feel we have the freedom to question … whether it comes from a boss or co-worker.  Unfortunately, how we interpret what we heard, or saw doesn’t make it correct.  It’s our assumption rather than knowing it to be fact and that’s when problems arise. Problems that will often prove to be costly, cause frustration and, a general unrest within the team.

I hasten to say that this situation is far from rare.  In fact, learning how to manage or work with our teams or co-workers has only become a bigger challenge.  Today’s ‘new normal’ into which we are emerging simply enlarges the potential and challenge. In fact, it lays at the foundation of many issues that rear their head within any company … how to have good, clear, basic and effective communication. 

Who owns the job of making certain there is a shared understanding?

understanding sign

Whose job is it to get clarification that aligns all behind the same understanding?  The answer is simple.  It’s everyone’s job.  The organization’s ultimate desire and goal is to operate with the maximum level of efficiency and the minimum amount of rework.  The employee wants to be successful in their work and be appreciated for their contribution.  The starting point for this happening comes through an across-the-board effort of having clear communication and arriving on the same page of shared understanding.

Mara Vizzuitti penned an article entitled “The Poser in Checking Out Your Assumptions” that addressed this issue.  She said that “As long as we’re in relationships with others, be it in the workplace or in our personal lives, we are only going to have communication glitches.  We would do well to expect them.  One of the reasons for this is our propensity for making assumptions about people and events that occur around us.  Most of the time, our assumptions are just plain wrong.

In other words, we’re pretty good at deciding what that ‘look’ means or what that ‘email’ means. We even assume we know what people are thinking. It is natural to make judgments, as our brains are constantly processing information. However, we make up stories about the “way he or she is” potentially creating issues with others that don’t exist. It is likely that 80 percent of conflict is based in fantasy.”

true false sign 1

We have all experienced this scenario.  We see someone make a face at something we may have said and immediately we tend to make up what that means.  Like … they don’t like the idea … it’s a silly one … they don’t think we know what we’re talking about … or they just disagree with us.  All of this because of someone else’s look or action.  And, unless we are willing to question what we saw we will not ever know that our assumptions are, in fact, true or just an erroneous assumption.

What problems are created when we operate on the basis of assumptions?

As a leadership coach Ben Brearly has researched this very issue and has identified ways in which making assumptions damages a team. First, he provides three reasons that we should all stop making them:

  1. Making assumptions closes your mind
    They create ‘labels’ that we attach to other i.e., fantastic, lazy and once attached they become harder to shake them off.
  1. Making assumptions can upset your team
    buying into the idea that Jim is lazy and thus not as productive as he needs to be or that Rita is a superstar and treating her as such risks demoralizing the rest of the team which doesn’t bring a winning outcome.

  2. Making assumptions makes it hard to change your mind
    If you take on opinions and have developed a perception of Jim, he is in for a tough life at work. He is going to have to work extra hard to fight back against that assumption and to change your mind. The only problem is, everything he does is likely to be seen in the light of “his laziness” and it becomes a hopeless cause.

If someone in your team is in this unfortunate situation because of an assumption of their behavior or ability, it will be a hard road for them to change your mind. The result is that they may choose to leave your team rather than enter a lengthy battle to change your mind. You may just have alienated someone who could have been good for the team.

Acknowledging that there are harmful and unproductive risks associated with making assumptions about people here are suggestions as to how we can stop doing this:

3 points of view 1

  1. When you don’t have information, get three points of view.
    At time, and especially today in a work-world shaped by COVID, we don’t have the chance to see your team members as closely as you’d like to. It’s tempting to just get somebody else’s opinion and use it as your own.

    Instead, be patient. Collect opinions from at least three people who do have the opportunity to work with the person you are wondering about. Three opinions are better than one. If somebody close to you is trying to influence your opinion of somebody else, they are less likely to succeed if you use multiple sources to try to find the truth.

  2. Understand people’s motives
    When you hear somebody criticize someone’s work ethic or ability, be wary of taking this opinion for yourself. You always need to question the motives of people around you. Are they in competition with the other person? Do they feel threatened by their experience or skill?

    You don’t need to act as if every comment is part of a murder mystery, but it still pays to be impartial, and to think about what may be driving the behavior of the person giving you the information.

How can we best counter a tendency to move forward only on our assumptions?

What is particularly important is that we become curious and enter a communication wanting to truly ‘hear’ the response regardless of what it may be.  Here are some simple ways to check out our assumptions as identified by Vizzutti:

  1. Ask Permission:
    Can I check something out with you?
  2. Describe the behavior:
    Yesterday, I noticed you made a face while I was presenting my suggestions for moving forward …
  3. State your Assumption:
    “I assumed you were upset with what I had said …”
  4. Ask an open-ended question: “Is this true? What were you thinking?

In making your inquiry as you seek to determine the validity of your ‘made-up’ conclusions you are going to find out one of two things: Either …

  • you will find that your assumptions were just wrong and nowhere near the truth.

or …

  • you will determine that your interpretation is correct, and you can then have open conversation to understand the other person(s) better and create how you can avoid such unintended consequences or at least minimize this in the future.

be curious sign 1

Regardless of what you discover you will then know how you should and need to proceed.  Perhaps nothing other than to work to tame your imagination.  Or perhaps you will need to have more conversation to understand the other person’s point of view.  Just remaining satisfied that your original assumption is right will eventually impact the relationship negatively resulting in withdrawal from the other person(s).  That in turn can clearly impact both the organization’s success and one’s personal satisfaction and enjoyment of his/her jobs.

Think about it. All it takes is talk … something we do pretty easily!
Mike Dorman

Written by Mike · Categorized: Inspirational Leadership, Leader as Learner

Apr 20 2022

The COVID Fallout ~ an Increased Tendency to Throw Others Under the Bus

thrown under bus

The issue of throwing someone or being thrown under the bus is not new especially in a business environment. It is a subject I have addressed in years past via an e-book written on this very subject. And yet, during the past two years we have been living and working in a world heavily impacted by COVID. That IS new and as such this has expanded the potential and actual occurrence of this unpleasant experience.

Generally, in business, bullying of this nature is manifested in a couple of ways.  On one hand it is done by a ‘boss’ who takes credit for work accomplished by one of her/his reports.  Or, secondly, it can also be levied by a co-worker who wants to have recognition for work done by someone else.  As such, in either case, they are willing to claim work as their own often to achieve some advancement and recognition.  Interestingly, this occurs at times of both scarce and excess job availability.  In both situations it often has to do with a person wanting to avoid responsibility for their own failures and inadequacies by taking credit for the work of another.

change sign4

The intention here  is to explore new ways in which the tendency to do this to others has been increased in the past two years. The struggle to adapt to the changed workplace be it office or home has clearly contributed to new ways that many are and/or feel ‘thrown’.

Characteristics of leaders inclined to send others under the bus 

To throw someone under the bus may be defined as “to betray or sacrifice a person, particularly for the sake of one’s own advancement. Or, as a means of safeguarding one’s own interests. (Merriam-Webster) It definitely is not something that anyone seeks to have happen to them. It is something that others use to demonstrate their power, self-perceived superiority and unwittingly, their insecurity. So, the question has always been what makes another inclined to do this.  Here are key goals of this individual that have been a challenge in this COVID world:

puppeteer boss

  1. The drive for power over others Isn’t the ability to see the employee or team an easier way to demonstrate as the person in charge? That individual’s presence is always around when in the office. 
    Remotely? Requires new creative ways to convey one’s authority and that has required new learning that has proven a struggle for some to learn and do.
     
  2. The drive to create and win some competition … for advancement and recognition
    It’s easy to convey one’s position and one’s achievements when surrounded by others on the team. Both visual and verbal communication are natural. 
    Remotely? This requires one to devise new communication methods in both directions to convey one’s contribution to achievements and be rightfully recognized for them.

  3. The view of their responsibility as being in control of other reports
    Control when working together under one roof provides a visual presence that supports the recognition of a leader responsible for overseeing their group.
    Remotely? The likes of zoom and/or phone conversations require one to convey their same leadership responsibility.  And these tools are comparatively impersonal and distant.

Characteristics of employees who have experienced an increase in seeing the underside of a bus 

With COVID came significant changes in work routines.  Going to an office became and remains either not yet existent or has re-emerged on a reduced basis.  Surveys reveal that even a few years from now, remote work is destined to play at least a part of the employee’s routine. The things that have and are impacting performance and thus make some targets of bus throwers include:

  1. A question of trust
    This person gets a keen sense that they are reporting to someone who simply doesn’t trust them.  How could they be working with the same dedication and effort remotely. This employee becomes easier to blame for perceived failure in completing projects or meeting deadlines, actual or imagined.

  2. Added responsibilities associated with working from home especially when there are children involved.

    juggling worker

    The employee has had to learn how to juggle all responsibilities in the remote environment.  This means that although they are determined to complete all expected work, it is often intermingled with real and needed interruptions. This feeds the ‘boss’s’ concern and has provided a scapegoat to blame when something doesn’t happen as needed or intended.
  1. A redefinition of a good and loyal employee as one available at any and all times during the day … regardless of time of day.
    Expecting employees to perform their job remotely without a concern for other responsibilities is a frequent and expressed complaint voiced by employees. And any resistance to being available as such has been interpreted as a disloyal team member. Once again, this person is an easier target on whom blame can be placed for failures encountered.
  1. Different living circumstances between and among employees that create distension between and among them
    Someone working remotely and juggling added responsibilities has challenges that don’t compare to a co-worker who lives alone or without child responsibilities. Thus, the latter just knows they are working harder and making a better contribution.  As such they have used this to shine a negative light on the other person.

Things that have contributed to sending others under the bus in this COVID world

The past two years have introduced several unfamiliar aspects related to managing or being managed.  Here are some key realities:

imagination wild
i
  • Absence makes allows the imagination to run wild
    If I can’t see you then I don’t know what you are doing during the workday and my skepticism just tells me that you can’t be putting in a full day’s effort. With such lack of trust the boss is expecting that one will not be as productive as they should be.  Of course, the amount of work can be seen however, a ‘boss’ just knows that someone working remotely can’t be as productive as they were.  Where’s the bus?
  • The boss must learn how to successfully lead with fully or partially remote teams
    As effective and successful as a leader has been in their role pre-COVID, a majority have had no or limited experience in leading people who are scattered. Unfortunately, when a bump is encountered in expected work, it has sometimes resulted in someone being blamed.  Again, Where’s the bus?
  • Staff reductions created by employer or employee
    These have led leaders to expect more from those who remain and some of this has been accompanied by a reduction in compensation. Thus, the employee feels taken advantage of and rather than appreciation is given blame for not being accepting of this. This bus feels extremely heavy.

time to learn sign

Here’s the reality with which many must deal.  COVID emerged and those impacted had little or no experience in how to effectively deal with or manage the changes that were forced upon so many on both ends of the work spectrum.  Transitioning to working remotely or leading a remote team brought with it a lot of growing pains.  Unfortunately, the learning curve has had many experience the likes of being thrown under the bus. 

To say that we are well past the height of the problem would be a misstatement as it has always been said that we will and are emerging into a ‘new’ normal.  It is one that has new ways in which work is completed, by whom and in varying work environments. Hopefully, as more realize and accept this, they will also have learned methods to lead effectively in such an environment.  As an employee, one will have learned how to communicate her/his needs, have them recognized and respected. This person will also have been able to demonstrate their value through the contributions they make to the desired success.  In no way am I suggesting that progress and learning has not taken place.  However, current research clearly indicates that we’re not settled into this evolving new normal. Throwing others under the bus is messy.  Of course, keeping our streets clean is a great goal!
Mike Dorman

P.S. The e-book previously written on this issue is entitled ‘Being Thrown Under the Bus’. Clicking on this link will take you to it.

Written by Mike · Categorized: Changing Business, Leader as Learner, Managing Change

Apr 06 2022

The Courage to Look Regret in the Eye

A week ago, much of the world had the chance to witness someone act in a way that brought about very real and heartfelt backlash.  People willingly and openly expressed varying opinions as to what was right or wrong.  And very unfortunately, this became what is and probably will continue to be a lasting memory of this event and the individuals involved.

learn from failure sign

From any vantage point witnessing a regrettable action becomes a cringe worthy happening. And rather than feeling very disassociated from seeing or hearing this, I wonder who among us hasn’t been ‘there’?  Who has not, in the course of living, done something at some time that we regretted?  Perhaps, it was something we said or some physical act we did. Regardless, our action left us with wishing we could have handled ‘it’ differently and avoided the resulting and very unintended consequences.

face of regret

Regret is defined as a feeling of sadness, repentance or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. One place that I have experienced and continue to see this occur is within organizations. There, things can be and are done by someone that quickly replaces an initial sense of satisfaction with true regret. And rarely is a workplace act of a physical nature.  It’s more often something said … or not said … that brings about an undesirable reaction or action. 

Deborah Grayson Riegel is a leadership consultant who sees ‘work as hard … which is why it’s called ‘work’. Every day, we face challenges that range from solving difficult technical issues and making hard choices between competing priorities.  We need to know what we should delegate and decide on new solution to old problems.  And we are expected to do all of this while staying calm, cool and collected. Riegel sees the need for us to maintain a professional demeanor in the face of daily workplace stress can feel like it’s own full-time job or what she calls ‘emotional labor’. This is where we actively manage our feelings and the expression of those feelings. Doing so enables us to have professionally appropriate interactions with customers, clients, co-workers, and higher-ups. It includes both the expression of emotions and the suppression of emotions that are felt but cannot be expressed.’

shame hangover

As Riegel sees this, the expectation to consistently express positive emotions at work can feel difficult. But not managing to suppress negative emotions can be damaging — especially when these emotions trickle out in other ways. And when they do ooze out, they often lead to behaviors that may feel good in the moment as we release some pent-up negativity.  However, doing so tends to cause a “shame hangover” the next day. Here are some examples:

  • Giving someone the silent treatment, hoping they’ll take the initiative and ask you, “Hey, did I do something wrong?”
  • Making cruel comments about someone’s appearance.
  • Telling someone “I need to talk to you” and then letting them worry until the meeting.
  • Speaking negatively about someone behind one’s back (a boss, colleague, or client).
  • Playing devil’s advocate just because you enjoy it.
  • Taking credit for someone else’s idea.
  • Telling someone why the idea she’s really excited about won’t work, without offering helpful insights.
  • Saying “I told you so” (or its equivalent).
  • Sharing what you really wanted to say in the meeting after the actual meeting.
  • Asking lots of people for their opinions until you get the opinion you want.

These behaviors are both credibility and careers killers. So, what do you do if you recognize one or more of these in yourself? Here are some strategies:

emotionally fluent faces

  • Become emotionally fluent
    Emotional labor can feel compounded without having the words to describe what feeling you’re working to express or suppress. Start naming what you feel and you experience an increase in your emotional fluency.
  • Find a healthy emotional outlet
    When you don’t have a safe or appropriate place to express how you feel, your emotions are likely to come out in destructive ways — to you and to others. Find a person with whom you can share openly and honestly. Find an activity that allows you to release your emotion, whether it’s yoga or a book club. Do something that lets you express yourself directly, honestly, and regularly.
  • notes to future self

    Make a deal with your future self
    Badmouthing your boss might feel terrific today — but it won’t tomorrow. Playing devil’s advocate with your colleague might feel like a victory today — but it won’t tomorrow. Before you engage in any behavior that might give you instant emotional relief, think about your last “shame hangover”. Think about how you’d prefer to feel tomorrow. Your future self will thank you for considering her emotional needs.

Emotional labor is work, indeed. And it’s worth doing the work to make sure the behaviors that emerge from managing emotions are ones that boost rather than break a career. Writer Omar Itani has been quoted as saying ‘I cannot regret something that has taught me valuable and worthwhile lessons in life”.  And further, author Dan Pink who has recently written a book on the topic of regret defines courage as looking regret in the eye and doing something about it.  Personally, I like it!

emotional intell sign

And one more thing.  Just in case you hunger for more, Inc. published an article this week that sees the apology that a certain actor issued following a much regretted behavior as being a ‘Master Class in Emotional Intelligence’. Regardless of one’s position, if he/she has made a major mistake, the related apology serves as a case study with invaluable takeaways.’  It’s definitely an interesting interpretation and good read and maybe helps to put this to bed.
Mike Dorman 

Written by Mike · Categorized: Effective Communication, Employee Success, Leader as Learner

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    Being Thrown Under the Bus:
    What to Do When It happens to YOU in the Workplace

    Chapters include:

    • The Meaning of Being Thrown Under the Bus
    • The Ones Who are Likely to do the Throwing
    • The Impact on the Individuals and the Organization Where Throwing Under the Bus is Tolerated
    • Responding After Having Been Thrown Under the Bus … You Get to Choose
    • How to Minimize the Likelihood of Finding Yourself Under the Bus

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