I hasten to say that this situation is far from rare.  In fact, it lays at the foundation of many issues that rear their head within any company … how to have good, clear, basic and effective communication.  Whose job is it to get clarification that aligns all behind the same understanding?  The answer is simple.  It’s everyone’s job.  The organization’s ultimate desire and goal is to operate with the maximum level of efficiency and the minimum amount of rework.  The employee wants to be successful in their work and be appreciated for their contribution.  The starting point for this happening comes through an across-the-board effort to have clear communication and arriving on the same page of shared understanding.

Mara Vizzuitti penned an article entitled “The Poser in Checking Out Your Assumptions”
that addressed this issue.  She said that “As long as we’re in relationships with others, be it in the workplace or in our personal lives, we are only going to have communication glitches.  We would do well to expect them.  One of the reasons for this is our propensity for making assumptions about people and events that occur around us.  Most of the time, our assumptions are just plain wrong.

In other words, we’re pretty good at deciding what that ‘look’ means or what that ‘email’ means. We even assume we know what people are thinking. It is natural to make judgments, as our brains are constantly processing information. However, we make up stories about the “way he or she is” potentially creating issues with others that don’t exist. It is likely that 80 percent of conflict is based in fantasy.”

We have all experienced this scenario.  We see someone make a face at something we may have said and immediately we tend to make up what that means.  Like … they don’t like the idea … it’s a silly one … they don’t think we know what we’re talking about … or they just disagree with us.  All of this is because of someone else’s look or action.  And … unless we are willing to question what we saw we will not ever know that our assumptions are, in fact, true or just an erroneous assumption?

Four Basic Reasons We Should Stop Making Assumptions

1. An Assumption actually closes our mind
   Once we have made a judgment about a person or an idea, this becomes a default position. Changing that opinion is the challenge as it has been adopted as our truth and difficult to shake off.

2. An assumption leads to judgment NOT based on wisdom and discernment
   It is the process of jumping to a conclusion without any supporting evidence

3. An assumption based on another’s opinion can upset and undermine a team
   Simply adopting the opinion of another person as fact influences the way we respond and relate to that individual. That it is not based in fact or our own experience can easily upset both the individual and the effectiveness of the group. And there goes the motivation to work cohesively to accomplish the objectives. 

4. Assumptions we hold make it difficult for us or another to change our mind

   

   When a judgment is made based on an assumption rather than fact we hold onto it as our truth. That confidence serves to close our minds to another possibility and thus changing how we see something becomes much more difficult.

Curiosity Becomes the Path to Establish Fact Over Assumptions

If we don’t make assumptions, we can focus our attention on the truth, not on what we think is the truth. Then we see life the way it is, not the way we want to see it. When we don’t believe our own assumptions, the power of our belief that we invested in them returns to us.

What is very important is that we become curious and enter a communication wanting to truly ‘hear’ the response regardless of what it may be.  Here are some simple ways to check out our assumptions as identified by Vizzutti:

1. Ask Permission:
   Can I check something out with you?
2. Describe the behavior:
   Yesterday, I noticed you made a face while I was presenting my suggestions for moving forward …
3. State your Assumption:
   “I assumed you were upset with what I had said …”
4. Ask an open-ended question: “Is this true? What were you thinking?

In making your inquiry as you seek to determine the validity of your ‘made-up’ conclusions you are going to find out one of two things: Either …

1. you will find that your assumptions were just wrong and nowhere near the truth.
   or …

   

2. you will determine that your interpretation is correct and you can then have open conversation to understand the other person(s) better and create how you can avoid such unintended consequences or at least minimize this in the future.

Regardless of what you discover you will then know how you should and need to proceed.  Perhaps nothing other than to work to tame your imagination.  Or you will need to have more conversations to understand the other person’s point of view.  Just remaining satisfied that your original assumption is right will eventually impact the relationship negatively resulting in withdrawal from the other person(s).  That in turn can clearly impact both the organization’s success and one’s personal satisfaction and enjoyment of his/her jobs.

Think about it. All it takes is talk … something we do pretty easily!
Mike Dorman

 

Often, when working with a coaching client he or she has an idea or a request that they would like to propose and present to their manager. Or, the communication is in the other direction … a manager approaching a report with an idea for something new or a needed change. And although a person might have a clear idea of what it is that they want to communicate, they struggle with the right approach.  How to present their message so that it is heard, understood, considered and eventually embraced becomes the challenge.

Granted, some find approaching a person to whom they report to be somewhat intimidating. And in the other direction the challenge is communicating whatever issue to a report that you want embraced is not automatic. In both situations the challenge is the same and as a result, the desired message can easily be lost and the desired results go with that.

BARRIERS THAT GET IN THE WAY OF EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATING

Barriers to good and effective communication have always existed with the related challenges.  For sure, these recent COVID impacted times have only served to exacerbate the challenges. Adding the ingredients of remote workers makes barriers more pronounced. Here are some of the more prevalent barriers that readers will easily recognize:

1. Reliance on technology to disseminate the key message related to the communication.
   Granted ever-expanding technology has its’ value. However, it is hard to imagine that this will ever surpass the effectiveness of direct and clear conversations 

2. Assuming that one’s audience understands the jargon being used.
   It’s one thing when one is discussing a plan or concept with someone of the same understanding and knowledge. However, often presentations of a concept leading to change are made to those not in these categories. Thus, the presentation to the audience must be in a language they will understand without major effort. 

3. Inconsistency of communications related to whom is told what.
   Without a planned approach as to who should and needs to know and making certain that all receive the same input is a path to problems. This leads to others passing along the information in their individual ways with their individual degree of understanding. Good and desired results are unlikely to happen. 

5. Believing that all people are effective communicators.
   Approaching needed communication with such an assumption can be damaging. Be it a leader or their report, this challenge exists and clearly does not easily lead to the outcome desired. 
6. Not listening to one’s audience
   

   

   Too often, the one communicating is so intent on what they want to present, they fail to allow space for the other(s) to make comments or express their opinions. Rather than getting another on board, this serves to shut down the desired outcome.

GETTING BEYOND THE BARRIERS

Communication of ideas, changes and needs are dependent on being understood to achieve the desired success and acceptance. Therefore, taking time to plan one’s approach to the message as well as the message itself is key. Here are some basic A,B,Cs of effectively communicating to enhance the likelihood of success:

• Flexibility … not in what you want to convey … rather how you will convey it.
  It’s very imperative to know the points one intends to make when communicating the message to their audience. And yet, rigidity related to a predetermined method of delivery can leave the listener behind. Certainly, this is not what one would want to do when ‘selling’ their idea. Allow for going off a script … not the message.
  
  
• Don’t clutter the message using filler words.
  Communicating one’s thoughts or ideas in a message filled with uhhs and umms conveys anything but confidence and clarity. Others can interpret this as uncertainty and thus diminish the true value and importance of the information being presented.

• Recognize silence ‘in the room’ as a positive.
  Often times communicating an idea with enthusiasm can be greeted by silence from the listener(s). That can be unnerving especially if one chooses to interpret that as resistance or rejection of the topic. However silence can be a good thing as the audience is digesting and considering what one has presented. Allowing and even expecting that can further the likelihood of enthusiastic embracing of the intent of the presentation.

• Remove words from a presentation that discount one’s credibility.
  As presenter, one is wanting to convey something that often represents change. In doing so the mission is better accomplished when a conscious effort is made to eliminate words and phrases that indicate a lack of confidence.  Expressions such as ‘in my opinion’, ‘I was thinking’ or qualifier words such as ‘sometimes’, kind of or sort or water down and weaken the message. They discount one’s credibility and signal that perhaps you don’t really believe your own message.

• Do not presume that every listener understands and is keeping up with what is being presented.
  This ties into having a planned message while not being so rigid that one doesn’t have a chance to ascertain that they are bringing their listener along with them. Periodically check in asking the listener to give back the understanding they have pertaining to what has been expressed.  In doing so one is certain that they are not leaving behind the very one they want to endorse the idea.
• Be open to and encourage feedback from the listener(s).
  The ultimate degree of success and success itself is influenced by the acceptance and embracing of the idea, change or concept being presented to anyone. Thus, encouraging and listening to feedback puts one on the path for getting to the intended goal because that presenter has been open to hearing input and suggestions from the very people on whom they depend to implement the idea.

Effectively communicating within an organization is not the sole job of various leaders.  Rather, it should become the goal of all members of a team.  Where it doesn’t exist, I can attest to the fact that it results in some feeling undervalued and unengaged. Strong communication skills are not always easy to develop. It takes developing the mindset and determination to accept nothing less of oneself. At the end, it is definitely worth it. At every level members of the organization feel more satisfied in their work and definitely comfortable collaborating with others on innovative approaches.  For the organization and those in it, it’s a win desired by all.
Mike Dorman