Mike, Author at The Third Zone

Nov 14 2018

The Goal Changed and You Weren’t Told? Oops! Suddenly You’re On the Wrong Bus!

My last blog pertained to being thrown under the bus and how to deal with that. (You Got Thrown Under The Bus?) This time I want to address another issue that continues to rear its’ head in business organizations. What happens when you are diligently doing your job as related to an announced goal for the company, department or team and suddenly the goal has been changed without you being told? As buses go, you find yourself on a bus … however it is suddenly the wrong bus headed in the wrong direction. Have you ever experienced or witnessed this? Chances are you have and it’s a complaint that I have heard often coaching in various organizations.

There are 3 key sources of the changed goals.

The ones sitting at the helm of the company … often referred to as those in the ivory tower. Too often they appear to make decisions based on their perception of
things at any given moment. Although their intentions are for the good of the organization, they tend to alter the plan without consulting with those involved in more of a front-line role. If they did do so … and listened … their ultimate decision would reflect the reality of a situation and avoid what otherwise seems to be an arbitrary change.
A manager who just wants to keep you on your toes. As self-centered and wasteful as this may sound, it is real. This manager considers it to be a way to keep reports alert and flexible. It is also a way of wasting money and resources.
A person who just didn’t see a big difference. As such, they don’t communicate any changes to the plan or goal because in the big picture sense, it hasn’t changed that much. However, because they aren’t dealing with the detailed elements related to the goal they’ve made an assumption that undoubtedly causes frustration and wasted time/money.
A person who is constantly changing his/her mind. This person just can’t seem to make up their mind as to how or when to do something. As one trying to carry out their contribution to the project it is simply infuriating. This is not necessarily the intent of the mind changer … rather just the way they operate having to do with their own inabilities.

Altering the direction and goal of any effort brings with it reactions that are anything but positive. Here are some of them:

Extreme frustration – All of us ideally want to leave a day’s work feeling that we have accomplished what was expected as well as what we intended to do. To find out that we are suddenly traveling on the bus headed in a wrong or altered direction is exasperating for most people caught in this situation
A desire to leave the job – This is especially the case when this has happened previously and is just the way that the one in charge operates. People are less inclined to excuse this happening especially when there is a pattern of this being some sort of ‘norm.
Developing an ‘I don’t care’ attitude. And of course, this loss of positive energy and effort is a virus that can bring about the undoing of most any effort.

Before you would give into any of the above reactions I believe there are some things we can do that just might alter the situations you encounter and return calm, enthusiasm and productivity to your work. They are …

Get detailed clarity about the announced goal. Rather than think you understand, verify your understanding by asking detailed questions. Truly aim to understand the big picture of where you are headed, the long-term goal and your specific role in achieving that. Do NOT presume that you understand and avoid questioning.
Put your understanding of the goal in writing. Reiterate where you believe it is headed and your role in achieving it. Ask for definitions of terms used to describe the goal (what does ‘step it up’ mean?) and make sure you understand how this fits into the overall aim of the company, team or department
Help the one in charge understand how you intend to work to do your part. Often times onebelieves that if I can see you I know you’re working. If I can’t I get concerned that you are wasting time. However, if the nature of your part in achieving the goal requires that you move around in some form, the boss needs to understand that and the reasoning behind it. In that he/she has not done your specific job, it is safe that they don’t really understand how it is best achieved.
Let the ‘leader’ in on how you intend to approach your job as related to the goal. Frustrating to many overseers is not understanding the details of how you will accomplish your goal related tasks. Don’t presume that they don’t want to know. Ask them to listen to your approach and invite their questions and comments if they exist. In doing so you are getting their buy-in to how you intend to do the job. This tends to raise their sensitivity to making arbitrary changes that could throw you off base.

The message here is that we do NOT have to tolerate or accept the lack of clarity and understanding that can having us riding on a bus going somewhere other than where we should be headed. If we expect our leader to make changes that suit us we may have a very long wait when left up to them. However, by refusing to settle for situations that create frustration and dampen our enthusiasm and energy toward the job, we may have found the way to create a winning situation for all. Now that’s leadership!
Mike Dorman

Oct 24 2018

You Got Thrown Under the Bus? What Are You Going To Do About It?

In business there have always been those who seem ready, willing and able to throw someone under the bus. It might be …

caution under bus sign

• A boss wanting to exert their power and who perhaps feels threatened by a report
• A co-worker who sees themselves in competition with another for the next promotion or raise
• An employee who is resented by another for the attention and recognition they receive from others in the company

Clearly, it is a form of bullying on the adult level. There is nothing pleasant about being under that bus. It’s often painful and damaging. It has caused many to leave their job, retreat into some cocoon almost to a point of being reclusive and/or have the one ‘throwee’ lose their energy and enthusiasm for the work they do and the organization for which they work. None of these reactions offer positives.

Still you have a choice as you emerge from under the wheels. What could one possibly learn from the experience that will help her/him move forward in a productive and positive manner and ultimately be the winner? Here are some thoughts and ideas for you to consider that can turn this unwelcome and uncomfortable experience into a valuable step from which we learn and potentially minimize the impact it can have on us as well as the chance that we will ever experience this again.

Learn from whatever the situation.
- What created the situation to begin with?
- In replaying that, what do you know you could do differently going forward that minimizes this happening in the future?
- What could or would you change in whatever you did that leaves less room for misinterpretation and thus less chance of getting to know the underside of a bus?

Make a serious effort to maintain a positive outlook and attitude.
- Although not always easy it allows us to have the upper hand in terms of what we do about it
- Reflecting a person who has not allowed the incident to ‘get to us’ and thus allows us to walk around indicating that we have the upper hand and defy the reaction that another may have wanted to bring about.
- Giving into our emotions takes us afar from our ability to think clearly and logically. The attitude we hold keeps us where it is to our advantage to be.

Find an ally to whom you can vent your frustration.
- We’re human and thus being the ‘throwee’ is frustrating and even hurtful. Find someone that you trust and to whom you express your frustration and even anger. It will help you to maintain your public positive spin and outlook which is key to turning the experience into a positive.

Guaranteed … others are watching and observing your reaction
- Operate as if you knew you were being seen and being watched for how you handle thesituation because chances are that is the case.
- Maintaining your cool and being able to employ logic and reasoning is the path to turning your ride under the bus into a learning adventure to your benefit
Confront the ‘thrower’ privately and with curiosity
- Having a one-on-one with the person who put you under the bus is the opportunity to hear and understand whatever logic that person had for what they did to you.
- Most often we don’t understand why whatever happened … did happen. In having yourconversation just be curious rather than angry. You will achieve hearing the other’s logic and reasoning as a prelude to responding.
- In expressing yourself in this conversation focus on the issue rather than making personal attacks on the individual. To do otherwise is to simply shut down good communication and thus, the ability to understand and resolve any issue.

In a general sense, being thrown under a bus just doesn’t feel right. The one inclined to do that is
often insecure in their own position and uses this tactic as a means of exerting their perceived power and influence. It says much more about them than the recipient of their effort. Still, there we are under some victim victor sign bus. The immediate drive is to extract ourselves from this uncomfortable and somewhat suffocating circumstance. Just how we do that will and can have a huge impact on us … as victim or victor.
Mike Dorman

Oct 10 2018

Unintentionally Acting In Ways At Work That Reveal An Inferiority Complex

It is safe to say that all of us, especially when executing our work role, desire to demonstrate how capable we are. We realize that this and our contribution to the organization’s success will influence our personal success, growth and advancement. And yet, one puzzle that is rather frequently expressed is the reason

ostracized from group

that the boss, the co-worker or our team member seems withdrawn from us. The result is our having a limited interaction and a true sense of involvement in what’s going on around us. In other words, what might we be doing that conveys an inferiority complex rather than a person who is confident and valued by others?

Certainly this is frustrating and comes to be seen as a handicap to achieving th

e very success and recognition that we strive to receive. Because this is an issue seen with regularity, it warranted some research as a means of identifying what are the things one might be doing to create the exact opposite reaction of others to us and thus, become a stumbling block to the collective and individual success goals we have?

Terina Allen of the Ardis Institute provided a good summary of behaviors that highlight rather than hide one’s insecurities. Doing them may just cause one to ‘seem’ inferior with the negative impact of stalling one’s career. They are as follows:

You offer help but never ask for it.
Why? Because you are convinced that this makes you look weak and are afraid of being vulnerable. Or – you believe that you are put here to help others but no one can really help you. You are too self-sufficient.The irony is that the exact opposite is true. Asking for help shows strength, confidence and courage. When you reach out to others, you express a willingness to learn, and you are acknowledging that you are not mentally or intellectually superior.

You don’t ask questions.
Why?You are convinced that you are supposed to know everything and work hard to be the smartestperson in the room. You think this will make you look strong and endear others to you. Or – you are convinced that you will look stupid because it will confirm that you don’t know something.The irony is that the exact opposite is true. By not asking questions and eliciting guidance and advice from others, you isolate yourself from the team and limit opportunities to network and build professional bonds and support systems. When you ask questions, you invite others in and send the message that you value what others think. You also show that their contributions are important.

You don’t speak up.
Why?You are convinced that no one really wants to hear what you have to say. Or – your fear that you don’t actually have anything of value to add that anyone will care about.The irony is that the more often you remain silent and don’t contribute to the conversation, the more people will come to believe that you actually don’t add any value or don’t want to add any. Or worse, they come to believe that you are not interested to engage on the issue at all. Either way, you come off as distant, uninterested and not a team player. People begin to overlook you more and more for career opportunities or project work.

You excessively avoid conflict.

Why? You are convinced that your needs can and/or should be the ones that take a back seat to others and overly avoid or accommodate in deference to the needs of others. You do this even when the issue at hand is important to you and even after you have communicated your needs.

The irony is that when you choose avoidance or accommodating too often, you cause others to take less and less interest in meeting your needs. By always placing so little value on your own needs, you teach everyone else to do the same, and those around you respect you less and less.

You fear failure so much it causes you to resist change and/or appear inflexible.
Why? You are convinced that change means that you will have to learn new and different methods,approaches, processes and behaviors, and you lack confidence to adjust or learn what you need in order to be successful.After you master something, you are not as flexible to change because secretly you are not so confident that you can master the “new” something. You advocate for things staying the same because you don’t want to be found out. In your head you are thinking, “What if I can’t do it? What if I become less relevant? What if I fail?”

Ms. Allen sees many different ways that you can undermine your leadership and stall or kill your career. Having an inferiority complex tops the list because it causes you to think and behave in ways that are completely contrary to the kind of thoughts and behaviors that lead to task, job or career success.

The bottom line is that if we are doing things that send a message to others that we see ourselves as less than … generally inferior to others around us … we are inadvertently creating the situation that will serve to stymie the very progress that we go to work daily to achieve and advance. Doesn’t it seem like it would be a valuable ‘litmus’ test for all of us to take … even periodically? There’s nothing to lose … right?
Mike Dorman

Sep 20 2018

Confronting Conflict At Work … Good Results are the Reward

conflict sigh

Conflict is not generally something we tend to rush toward. Rarely do we seek it out. Still, in working with individuals in virtually any type of organization, what is often expressed is unhappiness with their department, boss, co-workers or the whole company. And in exploring the things that underlie the negative feelings it is often related to situations that we don’t like or perhaps don’t agree with and yet, do not want to broach it for fear of creating conflict … one that we believe might even cost us our job.

How we confront conflict … or don’t … plays a big part in the outcome being positive or negative. Some of the negatives that are the result of conflict avoidance include:

Creating inner turmoil within ourselves. We think we can sweep and have swept it aside however it becomes akin to sweeping the dirt under the carpet and sooner or later we will trip over it. Not good!

Impacting workplace morale. With morale playing such a big part in the productivity within an organization, ignored conflict impacts the overall attitudes and morale of those involved and the results and goals intended to be achieved

Consuming a disproportionate amount of time. Being that time is money using it to deal with the fallout of unaddressed conflicts can easily throw any project, department or company far off of their intended and desired goals.

Creating stressful work relationships. Because so much of our work is often relianton others doing their portion successfully, when unaddressed conflicts are allowed to remain and fester, the resulting stress brings with it no positives.Regardless of it being or seeming difficult to address perceived conflict, there are clear-cut advantages that make pushing through the discomfort a worthwhile consideration. These include:

Disagreements with approaches or ideas can result in new and better ones. If you find yourself at odds with some proposed direction or method, whose to say your thoughts wrong? Being willing to present your perspective could, in fact, result in a better way. Left unsaid, you are depriving the others involved of what may well be the best.

A better form of problem solving. Addressing a conflict does solve problems when handled in the right way (see below).

Identification happens earlier and thus do the resolutions. Working in a business environment in which addressing conflicts is the norm means that they will be resolved sooner enabling forward movement in a positive way.

Productivity increases. Being that this is a key foundation of success and profitability is also an important reason to willingly confront conflicts.

There is a real key to successfully confronting and discussing a situation about which you

feel strongly … that is if you want to be listened to and understood. It’s simple … focus on the issue and not the person. To do otherwise is to bring about a halt to the conversation and the listening that is required for you to express yourself and be heard. Hopefully we can begin to view what we may have seen as a conflict in the past to the real opportunity it represents for ourselves, our job and ultimately to our happiness and satisfaction.
Mike Dorman

Sep 04 2018

Our Inability to Make Decisions … The Easier Path With Negative Results

One of the more prevalent issues that I encounter in working with a coaching client … individual or team … is an inability or unwillingness to make a decision. I’m not talking about something as potentially earth-shaking as ‘should I leave my job?’ or ‘should I change my field of work?’ I’m referring often to the most basic decisions that one needs to make to move forward with the task at hand for themselves or as a leader of others.

John Sammarco of Creative Business Decisions has summarized the reasons and the impact of being unable to make a decision. They fall into any of several categories. These are …

Being unable to commit: This can be because they see no great option or are fearful of making the wrong choice

Acknowledging that you just don’t know how: Making decisions is a process we go through that eventually leads us to making the best and hopefully right decision. And this is a learned talent perfected by practice and the related growth

Being overwhelmed: Identifying and evaluating options is something that decision making entails. Breaking down the components of the decision to be made makes it clearer and manageable. If we simply view the decision in its’ entirely it appears very large and somewhat unmanageable. This overwhelmed is the result.

Remaining objective in decision making: There are times when the ultimate decision that is or needs to be made impacts us personally and thus play with our need to be impartial. Giving into our own bias can easily distort our decision and results in flaws.

Pure Exhaustion from the process of making the right decision: It has involved such intense exploration and research then when finally at the point of making the decision all of the starch is gone and thus no decision is made.

Okay … so it’s pretty easy to understand how being stymied in the decision making process is anything but ideal. And what makes it very worthy of thinking about as it relates to us individually is various impacts that this ‘handicap’ can have on others.

Significant impact on the productivity of our own or those we lead and the related costs of stagnation and/or wasted time

Greatly impacts morale of others and with this the creation of a depressed environment

Results in stagnation of the progress expected and anticipated and this brings with it a downturn in morale and effort

Appearing to be partial to one idea over another creates a perception of bias and favoritism and who wants to participate in an environment wherein they don’t feel as if they have a voice that is wanted or needed?

Actually encourages others to leave the department, team or company taking with them the knowledge and contribution they could be making. This is perhaps the biggest threat to any effort as it has the potential of taking the desired goal off track with the need to begin anew.

Is there good news in all of this? Of course there is and primarily because, as Sammarco indicates, decision-making skills can be learned, practiced and refined. It only requires that we acknowledge that we need to improve at the same time we recognize the impact that poor decision-making can and perhaps is having on our success in many ways.

On occasion I have often referred to this quote: “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt. To the extent we buy into this thinking we are on the way to becoming more masterful as decision-makers and doing what we need to do the get there!
Mike Dorman

Contact

Subscribe to our newsletter