In business there have always been those who seem ready, willing and able to throw someone under the bus. It might be …
• A boss wanting to exert their power and who perhaps feels threatened by a report
• A co-worker who sees themselves in competition with another for the next promotion or raise
• An employee who is resented by another for the attention and recognition they receive from others in the company
Clearly, it is a form of bullying on the adult level. There is nothing pleasant about being under that bus. It’s often painful and damaging. It has caused many to leave their job, retreat into some cocoon almost to a point of being reclusive and/or have the one ‘throwee’ lose their energy and enthusiasm for the work they do and the organization for which they work. None of these reactions offer positives.
Still you have a choice as you emerge from under the wheels. What could one possibly learn from the experience that will help her/him move forward in a productive and positive manner and ultimately be the winner? Here are some thoughts and ideas for you to consider that can turn this unwelcome and uncomfortable experience into a valuable step from which we learn and potentially minimize the impact it can have on us as well as the chance that we will ever experience this again.
- Learn from whatever the situation.
- What created the situation to begin with?
- In replaying that, what do you know you could do differently going forward that minimizes this happening in the future?
- What could or would you change in whatever you did that leaves less room for misinterpretation and thus less chance of getting to know the underside of a bus?
- Make a serious effort to maintain a positive outlook and attitude.
- Although not always easy it allows us to have the upper hand in terms of what we do about it
- Reflecting a person who has not allowed the incident to ‘get to us’ and thus allows us to walk around indicating that we have the upper hand and defy the reaction that another may have wanted to bring about.
- Giving into our emotions takes us afar from our ability to think clearly and logically. The attitude we hold keeps us where it is to our advantage to be.
- Find an ally to whom you can vent your frustration.
- We’re human and thus being the ‘throwee’ is frustrating and even hurtful. Find someone that you trust and to whom you express your frustration and even anger. It will help you to maintain your public positive spin and outlook which is key to turning the experience into a positive.
- Guaranteed … others are watching and observing your reaction
- Operate as if you knew you were being seen and being watched for how you handle the
situation because chances are that is the case. - Maintaining your cool and being able to employ logic and reasoning is the path to turning your ride under the bus into a learning adventure to your benefit
- Operate as if you knew you were being seen and being watched for how you handle the
- Confront the ‘thrower’ privately and with curiosity
- Having a one-on-one with the person who put you under the bus is the opportunity to hear and understand whatever logic that person had for what they did to you.
- Most often we don’t understand why whatever happened … did happen. In having your
conversation just be curious rather than angry. You will achieve hearing the other’s logic and reasoning as a prelude to responding. - In expressing yourself in this conversation focus on the issue rather than making personal attacks on the individual. To do otherwise is to simply shut down good communication and thus, the ability to understand and resolve any issue.
In a general sense, being thrown under a bus just doesn’t feel right. The one inclined to do that is
often insecure in their own position and uses this tactic as a means of exerting their perceived power and influence. It says much more about them than the recipient of their effort. Still, there we are under some 
bus. The immediate drive is to extract ourselves from this uncomfortable and somewhat suffocating circumstance. Just how we do that will and can have a huge impact on us … as victim or victor.
Mike Dorman
person in the room. You think this will make you look strong and endear others to you. Or – you are convinced that you will look stupid because it will confirm that you don’t know something.The irony is that the exact opposite is true. By not asking questions and eliciting guidance and advice from others, you isolate yourself from the team and limit opportunities to network and build professional bonds and support systems. When you ask questions, you invite others in and send the message that you value what others think. You also show that their contributions are important.
approaches, processes and behaviors, and you lack confidence to adjust or learn what you need in order to be successful.After you master something, you are not as flexible to change because secretly you are not so confident that you can master the “new” something. You advocate for things staying the same because you don’t want to be found out. In your head you are thinking, “What if I can’t do it? What if I become less relevant? What if I fail?”
ottom line is that if we are doing things that send a message to others that we see ourselves as less than … generally inferior to others around us … we are inadvertently creating the situation that will serve to stymie the very progress that we go to work daily to achieve and advance. Doesn’t it seem like it would be a valuable ‘litmus’ test for all of us to take … even periodically? There’s nothing to lose … right?
on others doing their portion successfully, when unaddressed conflicts are allowed to remain and fester, the resulting stress brings with it no positives.Regardless of it being or seeming difficult to address perceived conflict, there are clear-cut advantages that make pushing through the discomfort a worthwhile consideration. These include:
shaking as ‘should I leave my job?’ or ‘should I change my field of work?’ I’m referring often to the most basic decisions that one needs to make to move forward with the task at hand for themselves or as a leader of others.
unable to make a decision. They fall into any of several categories. These are …
Pure Exhaustion from the process of making the right decision: It has involved such intense exploration and research then when finally at the point of making the decision all of the starch is gone and thus no decision is made.
ts of stagnation and/or wasted time
the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt. To the extent we buy into this thinking we are on the way to becoming more masterful as decision-makers and doing what we need to do the get there!
all or the work that they are responsible for doing day to day. And although they readily admit their unhappiness, when I inquire as to why they don’t make a change that they will find more fulfilling and satisfying I hear many excuses like these:
se tend to create is a comfort zone to stay where we are and eventually we find ourselves truly stuck. Not necessarily happy … simply stuck. The first step to do something about this is to acknowledge and admit this as our situation. True, it’s willingly taking ourselves into an uncomfortable place and at the same time it is a critical step to bringing about the change we want.
ant to make.
Theodore Roosevelt said … “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” Obviously we would want to avoid this third option.