Still you have a choice as you emerge from under the wheels. What could one possibly learn from the experience that will help her/him move forward in a productive and positive manner and ultimately be the winner? Here are some thoughts and ideas for you to consider that can turn this unwelcome and uncomfortable experience into a valuable step from which we learn and potentially minimize the impact it can have on us as well as the chance that we will ever experience this again.

• Learn from whatever the situation.
  • What created the situation to begin with?
  • In replaying that, what do you know you could do differently going forward that minimizes this happening in the future?
  • What could or would you change in whatever you did that leaves less room for misinterpretation and thus less chance of getting to know the underside of a bus?

• Make a serious effort to maintain a positive outlook and attitude.
  • Although not always easy it allows us to have the upper hand in terms of what we do about it
  • Reflecting a person who has not allowed the incident to ‘get to us’ and thus allows us to walk around indicating that we have the upper hand and defy the reaction that another may have wanted to bring about.
  • Giving into our emotions takes us afar from our ability to think clearly and logically. The attitude we hold keeps us where it is to our advantage to be.

• Find an ally to whom you can vent your frustration.
  • We’re human and thus being the ‘throwee’ is frustrating and even hurtful. Find someone that you trust and to whom you express your frustration and even anger.  It will help you to maintain your public positive spin and outlook which is key to turning the experience into a positive.

• Guaranteed … others are watching and observing your reaction
  • Operate as if you knew you were being seen and being watched for how you handle thesituation because chances are that is the case.
  • Maintaining your cool and being able to employ logic and reasoning is the path to turning your ride under the bus into a learning adventure to your benefit
• Confront the ‘thrower’ privately and with curiosity
  • Having a one-on-one with the person who put you under the bus is the opportunity to hear and understand whatever logic that person had for what they did to you.
  • Most often we don’t understand why whatever happened … did happen. In having yourconversation just be curious rather than angry. You will achieve hearing the other’s logic and reasoning as a prelude to responding.
  • In expressing yourself in this conversation focus on the issue rather than making personal attacks on the individual. To do otherwise is to simply shut down good communication and thus, the ability to understand and resolve any issue.

In a general sense, being thrown under a bus just doesn’t feel right. The one inclined to do that is
often insecure in their own position and uses this tactic as a means of exerting their perceived power and influence. It says much more about them than the recipient of their effort. Still, there we are under some bus. The immediate drive is to extract ourselves from this uncomfortable and somewhat suffocating circumstance. Just how we do that will and can have a huge impact on us … as victim or victor.
Mike Dorman

Certainly this is frustrating and comes to be seen as a handicap to achieving th

e very success and recognition that we strive to receive.  Because this is an issue seen with regularity, it warranted some research as a means of identifying what are the things one might be doing to create the exact opposite reaction of others to us and thus, become a stumbling block to the collective and individual success goals we have?

Terina Allen of the Ardis Institute provided a good summary of behaviors that highlight rather than hide one’s insecurities.  Doing them may just cause one to ‘seem’ inferior with the negative impact of stalling one’s career.  They are as follows:

• You offer help but never ask for it.
  Why? Because you are convinced that this makes you look weak and are afraid of being vulnerable. Or – you believe that you are put here to help others but no one can really help you. You are too self-sufficient.The irony is that the exact opposite is true. Asking for help shows strength, confidence and courage. When you reach out to others, you express a willingness to learn, and you are acknowledging that you are not mentally or intellectually superior.

• You don’t ask questions.
  Why?You are convinced that you are supposed to know everything and work hard to be the smartestperson in the room. You think this will make you look strong and endear others to you. Or – you are convinced that you will look stupid because it will confirm that you don’t know something.The irony is that the exact opposite is true. By not asking questions and eliciting guidance and advice from others, you isolate yourself from the team and limit opportunities to network and build professional bonds and support systems. When you ask questions, you invite others in and send the message that you value what others think. You also show that their contributions are important.

• You don’t speak up.
  Why?You are convinced that no one really wants to hear what you have to say. Or – your fear that you don’t actually have anything of value to add that anyone will care about.The irony is that the more often you remain silent and don’t contribute to the conversation, the more people will come to believe that you actually don’t add any value or don’t want to add any. Or worse, they come to believe that you are not interested to engage on the issue at all. Either way, you come off as distant, uninterested and not a team player. People begin to overlook you more and more for career opportunities or project work.

• You excessively avoid conflict.

Why? You are convinced that your needs can and/or should be the ones that take a back seat to others and overly avoid or accommodate in deference to the needs of others. You do this even when the issue at hand is important to you and even after you have communicated your needs.

The irony is that when you choose avoidance or accommodating too often, you cause others to take less and less interest in meeting your needs. By always placing so little value on your own needs, you teach everyone else to do the same, and those around you respect you less and less.

• You fear failure so much it causes you to resist change and/or appear inflexible.
  Why? You are convinced that change means that you will have to learn new and different methods,approaches, processes and behaviors, and you lack confidence to adjust or learn what you need in order to be successful.After you master something, you are not as flexible to change because secretly you are not so confident that you can master the “new” something. You advocate for things staying the same because you don’t want to be found out. In your head you are thinking, “What if I can’t do it? What if I become less relevant? What if I fail?”

Ms. Allen sees many different ways that you can undermine your leadership and stall or kill your career. Having an inferiority complex tops the list because it causes you to think and behave in ways that are completely contrary to the kind of thoughts and behaviors that lead to task, job or career success.

The bottom line is that if we are doing things that send a message to others that we see ourselves as less than … generally inferior to others around us … we are inadvertently creating the situation that will serve to stymie the very progress that we go to work daily to achieve and advance.  Doesn’t it seem like it would be a valuable ‘litmus’ test for all of us to take … even periodically? There’s nothing to lose … right?
Mike Dorman