Mike, Author at The Third Zone

May 27 2015

Letting Go of What You Know … The Key to Knowing More

In response to a blog post published in early April entitled “How our Beliefs Influence our Success” a reader referred me to an excellent video created by Destin Sandlin … the originator of “Smarter Every Day”. It’s entitled ‘The Backwards Brain Bicycle’ In watching and listening I had two realizations:

First realization, it rings a loud bell pertaining to what we all contend with in today’s world … the need to learn something new that requires the unlearning of what we know and have known for ages.

Second realization, YOU MUST SEE IT! In a brief 5 minutes I’m confident it will fascinate, challenge and intrigue! You will find it time well invested as you read on.

Sandlin expressed a key learning ~ ‘Knowledge is not Understanding’. How true that appears to be and something we witness as we coach in the business arena of today. A few examples where this is evidenced include:

Learning a new app that creates a faster and more efficient way to create a report or activity tracking at the same time it creates a hassle on the front side as we need to let go of what we have known.
Learning a new form of social media that is the new hot button of communication and yet, is different enough, that what we know gets in the way of what we need to learn to make effective use of it.
Moving from the use of a basic tool i.e. cell phone to one that is ‘smart’ or from ‘smart’ phone we have to one that is ‘smarter’. Regardless, either often encompass unlearning what we know in order to be open to what we want and need to know.

You get the drift and probably you’ve met it first-hand. And whereas there will always be a few who grasp the needed change in thinking and methodology faster, there are many more of us who seem to go head first into the wall of resistance … the place where the knowledge we have blocks our ability to quickly understand what mastering and adapting to the next innovation requires of us. Here are some of the traits that can help or hinder our success that can serve as the check list as we encounter the next challenge of this nature … even as soon as tomorrow:

The commitment to the overall process involved in learning and mastering the ‘next thing’. Without consciously making it, we are going create a lot of added frustration. Accepting that we will naturally experience it in the best of circumstances, minimizing it through our commitment to the required learning and unlearning is a true advantage!

The persistence and determination to plow through the changes in going from what we know to what we need to learn in order to be successful in the relearning required

The attitude that we hold as related to accepting that we reside in a world defined by the ongoing changes moving down a fast-paced conveyor belt. Resisting such changes only lengthens the learning curve and could even throw us off.

Finally, truly embracing the reality that today’s knowledge does not equate to understanding of what we need to know moving forward. In fact, it can easily serve to delay our success while creating untold frustration.

Have you ever noticed that young children have the ability to learn a new language in a shorter time than i.e. their parents? Just as Sandlin’s young son took only 2 weeks to learn to ride the backward bicycle whereas his dad took 8

months, it appears that the longer we have known something, the longer it can take us to master a different way … of speaking a new language, riding a bike or learning new methodology. Our success comes faster because we understand that so much of new learning required today demands that we recognize and accept the unlearning that is needed. Enjoy your backward bike ride. Challenging … perhaps … and in the end … very satisfying!!
Mike Dorman

May 12 2015

You’re ‘So Busy’ … sure … but in the right way?

It doesn’t seem to matter which hat I’m wearing – my coach hat or my friend hat. Whenever I ask someone how things are going, the response is the same. “I’m so busy I don’t have time to think; OR, avoid taking work home; OR, get my job done during regular hours; OR have any down time with family and friends. So even though this is a common reply, what I find fascinating is that the statement is made as though this were a badge of honor. It’s as if they believe this is the way for them to stand out among others. To me, however, this sounds like a life out of balance.

So where does someone get the idea that exhausting oneself ‘for the team’ is healthy, right or even necessary? Here are some possibilities.

Your Assumption: Your ”boss” always seems to be ‘at work’. Phone calls that come to you during ‘off’ times or emails and texts that are sent 24/7. It wouldn’t be unusual to assume is that this is also expected of you.

Your Belief: Somewhere along the line you developed the personal belief that ‘hard work’ carried within its’ definition the requirement that you will get ahead and be rewarded because you unselfishly devote whatever time is necessary to the job.
Your Mindset: You are driven to climb the success ladder as quickly as possible and have had it engrained in you that the way to achieve is to work, work, work without limitation and your payoff will be the recognition and advancement that you strive for.
Your Made-up-Story: No-one necessarily told you this yet somewhere you determined that to set yourself apart from all the others you had to stand-out. How you have translated this is to put in more time and more energy and being busier than all others around you. You believe this will be recognized and rewarded.

I read an article entitled The Value of Balance written by Bahram Akradi. I quote “It’s easy to make a case for balance, because without it, even our best intentions and most vigorous efforts can quickly become counterproductive and profoundly unsatisfying. The challenge with balance, of course, is not so much in talking about it, but in achieving it — and maintaining it over time. And the precursor to that challenge is identifying what it means to us, personally.”

The questions that we must all ask ourselves are …

At what cost am I doing this?
What price am I paying in other areas of my life for my relentless devotion to the job?
What’s the fallacy of my thinking
How do I change it?

In coaching it’s often that I meet a client who is working untold hours … both long days during the week and numerous weekend hours. They realize something is amiss. They simply aren’t achieving the level of success that they hoped for. In exploring other aspects of their lives it turned out that they were out of balance. Rather than the feeling of being accomplished and invigorated, they had become detached and disinterested in the very thing that was getting the lion’s share of their focus and attention.

I ask YOU … How balanced is the life you are leading? Provided you accept the idea that being ‘in balance’ is a key ingredient to your overall success and satisfaction, I have a challenge for you. Allowing your curiosity to drive you, click HERE and access your own ‘Balance Wheel’. In the 5 minutes it will take you to print and complete it you will have a good sense of how balanced YOU are in the life you’re living. The better the balance we each have as we individually define it, the more satisfying and successful we will be in all areas of our life. DO IT and when finished if you would like help in interpreting the result just send us your questions with or without attaching your results and we we’ll gladly respond. Go ahead and try it … I think you’ll like it! (You can email us lifebalancewheel@thethirdzone.com ).

Mike Dorman

Apr 28 2015

Who’s Running Your Show? Just Say You!

A common occurrence when speaking with established coaching clients or prospects is the answer we get to this question: “What are the three key factors that you feel your success in your job is dependent upon?” Invariably at least one of the factors point to the responsibilities of others … the boss, the team or the company in general. Wow! That’s giving others a lot of power over what you are able to achieve … and maybe having this view excuses one from having to try that hard to create and achieve their own success. I mean what’s the point? If one’s achievements are truly dependent on what others do for them or recognize in them, it’s very possible that the wait to reach a desired achievement could be a long one at that.

Trent Hamm, in his blog in the Christian Science Monitor put it this way: “It’s easy to blame others when you don’t get what you want. What actions can you take right now to change things? No matter what is going on in your life,
you can probably find a reason why someone else’s actions is keeping you from what you want. There are many elements of life that are outside of our direct control, and when the people who are in control of those elements make choices that don’t benefit us, it can be incredibly frustrating. However, it is in that moment of frustration that you decide whether or not you’re going to succeed.”

Just what can happen if we all embrace the idea that we are accountable to ourselves for making everything we want happen. Granted there are some things that we don’t control however the lion’s share still can belong to us … if we view it that way.

Linda Galindo expressed it well in her writing for the AMA – American Management Association. She said “Accountability is not just a mind-set—it’s also a skill-set that everyone can learn. It may not be as easy as one-two-three, but it is a three-step process:

Responsibility
When you’re truly responsible, you believe that success or failure is up to you, even if you work within a team or are blind-sided by unforeseen circumstances. You own your commitment to a result before the fact, before you even take action.
Self-empowerment
There is only one kind of empowerment, and that is self-empowerment. Unlike granting authority, empowerment comes from within. By empowering yourself, you take the actions—and the risks—to achieve a result and get what you want. Rather than waiting for someone to declare you empowered or give you that one lucky break, you step outside your comfort zone, make things happen, and answer for the outcomes.

3. Personal accountability
Unlike responsibility (the “before”) and self-empowerment (the “during”), personal accountability is the “after”. It’s a willingness to answer for the outcomes of your choices, actions, and behaviors. When you’re personally accountable, you stop assigning blame, “should-ing” on people, and making excuses. Instead, you take the fall when your choices cause problems.”

Worthy of some thought? There really is no downside. Owning your own drive to whatever you want to achieve is not just a good step to succeeding … rather it’s the key step to getting what you want and guess what? YOU control it! Ah … that feels good.

Mike Dorman

Apr 09 2015

How Our Beliefs Influence Our Success

Recently, two different friends have insisted I check out two different items in the news. Because I trust my friends, i followed their advice. They were right!! These were two of the most inspirational stories I’ve seen in quite some time.

The first is about Leah Katz-Hernandez, a woman who is totally deaf, and has recently be hired to be the West Wing White House receptionist or the receptionist of the United States. Deaf? Really? And it is even more inspiring when you find that she actually applied for the job BELIEVING she was well qualified and had the ability to do the best job ever. Maybe you’d like to read about this here.

The second had to do with a contestant on the TV show “Dancing with the Stars”. I confess this is not something I typically watch, but my curiosity was peaked. Frankly I was awestruck by Noah Galloway. He is an Iraq Army vet who returned home a double amputee. Can you imagine how he dares to think he can compete and expecting to be awarded the “best dancer “trophy? Watch Noah in action here.

Certainly Noah & Leah have valid reasons to use their disabilities to lower the bar in terms of what they might achieve. And yet they didn’t do that! Why? They BELIEVED they were totally up to it. The impact on me was to realize how we set our goals on the basis of what we believe we’re capable of doing. Too often those beliefs that are not founded on concrete facts. Rather, they are assumptions we’ve made or conclusions we’ve reached from our own experiences. Or, because others have told us we “can’t” and we’ve listened.

Let’s look at this related to your success in your job.

You accept things you deal with as being ‘just the way it is’. And with that conclusion, you often find yourself frustrated and negative.
You have believed something so long that it is ingrained in your mind, regardless whether it has a basis in fact. In a weird way, you become comfortable operating in an environment where your “belief” is alive and well. (I could NEVER be promoted. I could NEVER learn that computer program. The boss just doesn’t like me.)
Some ingrained beliefs so control us that to change them seems almost impossible. We just “believe” we need to live with them. Things like there’s a limit to what I deserve to have, or I need to accept my ‘lot’ in life.

So, if we were to take a good, honest look at ourselves, it’s very likely we will come to realize we have beliefs that are unproven and do, in fact, limit us in meaningful ways. What can we do? Three things can make a difference and break through the limiting obstacles:

Recognize that the beliefs you have in many cases are not proven as truths and that they do not need to define us. If you see yourself as one who has been shy while growing up, you might challenge yourself to step out more – to take a class or read a book on how to meet friends. If you believe you never liked math as a student, chances are you carry that belief into your job or avoid jobs that will require working with numbers/figures. Again, challenge yourself in manageable ways to bust that false belief.
Truly question things that you feel you know with certainty … and you’re likely to discover that there is much more flexibility than you think. Things that you ‘know’ are required often turns out to have negotiating room. Really question things that you think are definite, rigid or even possible. Be open & curious.
Be willing to test the assumptions that you are allowing to inform and guide you. Without a willingness to put them to the test, breaking out of this limiting trap is unrealistic and you have much less of a chance of bringing about a change. You are not testing to prove the belief. Rather you’re testing it to try and disprove it.

Think a moment about the deaf lead receptionist at the White House or the Army vet who thinks he can dance and is in there to win … double amputee and all. Obviously they have successfully gotten beyond beliefs that would be very limiting if they gave into them. What’s the equivalent challenge for you? What’s the belief you want to bust? Try it. After all, you have only to gain.

Mike Dorman

Refs:
7 Limiting Beliefs Keeping You from Living Your Best Life by Celes
How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs by Jonathan in Personal Freedom

Mar 31 2015

The Lessons of March Madness

Chances are that March Madness is getting your attention over the past couple of weeks. As the ‘final four’ emerge this weekend, we get to watch teams work together like well-oiled machines. They read each other well, anticipate what their teammate is about to do and know where they need to be; and they recognize their individual win is only there because the team is successful. What did it take to achieve this? A LOT of work on the part of each player, clear guidance from the leader and overall, the recognition that the individual’s win only because the team wins. This is the essence of ‘Team Spirit’.

When I’m not watching the games, I have the opportunity to work with individuals in the business world who are a part of a team. One of their biggest sources of frustration is the inability to ‘click’ with other team members. They all know how important strong communication is to accomplishing the team’s goals and tasks. And yet, not clicking gets in the way of this. The curious thing though, is that there is often a tendency to just accept this fact with a shoulder shrug – “oh well … you can’t mesh with everybody”. Sadly, there is a tendency to settle for this as ‘just the way it is’. But wait a second! Isn’t there a cost to “just settling”. Of course there is! As it turns out, the cost is real and potentially significant. And more than that, it’s not necessary. Here are steps that are within each individual’s power to change relationships for the better.

First … You must buy into the fact that the better the entire team meshes and works well as a team, the more realistic is the ability to reach the goal in the most effective way. If you don’t believe this … STOP reading, as the rest of the steps will be meaningless.
Second … You must allow yourself to be curious as to what is getting in the way of you “meshing” with your fellow team members.
Third … you must be willing to identify the issues that you sense with any team member and then … address them. Is your issue based on fact or assumption?
- If based on fact, what would you like to see change and what are you willing to do to make that happen?
- If based on an assumption, you’ve made a judgment that is potentially wrong and you need to ask for clarification. Often the clarification alone clears up the issue.
Fourth … With clarity about the issue, you now can create an alliance with that person going forward. Creating and maintaining the alliance helps to avoid falling into old habits. You can now confidently move forward in the spirit of cooperation and success.
- What do you want to count on the other person(s) to do, to say or to act and under what circumstances?
- And in exchange, what they can count on you for under the same circumstances?

Good communication requires that we learn to be as good at listening as we are a communicator. Truly exciting is to witness clients who did not “mesh” and just tolerated now soar both individually & as a team. Why? Because they have chosen to move away from tolerating to be positive & intentional about relationships w/fellow team members.

Maybe … just maybe … March Madness can provide the take away that turns into your year-long Gladness!

Mike Dorman

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