Mike, Author at The Third Zone

Aug 02 2016

Free Listening – The Challenge of Listening When You Disagree

I imagine all of us have experienced going into a meeting wherein at least one in attendance seemed determined to sell her/his idea to the group even if that required quieting other voices, opinions or thoughts. In fact that is just My Way Highway how they succeed … no listening, just selling. Such meetings often become a debate of positions wherein different views or approaches have turned into just arguments about opinions. However, the result, while confirming the decision that one voice wanted to accomplish, doesn’t often reflect what may have been the best decision for the organization

There is a true knack to listening … really listening. I don’t know of anything that has challenged our ability to listen … and hear … what others are saying more than the political arena in which we’ve all found ourselves for the past year. UNFORTUNATELY, many of these conversations with friends, co-workers or even strangers have turned into contentious debates that leave all involved at varying levels of frustration, anger and disappointment.

I read an article written by Benjamin Mathes relating his experience while sitting behind his sign offering ‘free listening’ while attending one of the recent party conventions. There was skepticism and hesitance however some did approach him to experience what he was giving away. He makes some excellent points that are worthy of serious consideration as we ponder how real listening can lead us to the best and most beneficial decisions and paths forward … even if we individually don’t ‘win’. His driving question is … “How do I listen to someone when I disagree with them?” He made the following points:

We must work to hear the person not just the opinion:
“It takes a lot of forgiveness, compassion, patience and courage to listen in the face of disagreement”
We must look to the set of circumstances that person has experienced that result in that point of view
“Get their story, their biography and you’ll open up the real possibility of an understanding that transcends disagreement. Will you tell me your story? I’d really like to know how you came to this point of view.”
The inclination is often to argue, to change one’s mind and to simply disagree as this is a natural response.
“Yet, if your personal story brought you to your beliefs, then you need to know the other’s story that brought them to theirs
Sometimes there is nothing to ‘disagree’ with. It’s not a matter of needing to be right. It’s often a matter of just being ‘there’ to hear and understand.”

Mathes suggests that ones’ “Facebook feeds is a place littered with articles, posts, and images from all types of people. For some, this is difficult to handle so we edit out the ones we disagree with until our feed looks more like an echo board of our own thoughts.” He cautions that “if we’re not careful, we’ll treat people this way … editing out the ones we disagree with until we’re surrounded by people who are just like us. Then we get to wonder why we’re so divided.”

Can any aspect of business really tolerate this and succeed to the max? Does silencing differences of opinion, approach or beliefs benefit the organization? I think not. To the extent we “can hold space for paradox, tension and disagreement, there’s room for all types of beliefs and opinions” Mathes says. “Division is a choice … life isn’t a Facebook feed … our listening must bring in and not edit out. Dare to listen and to seek understanding. In the end it’s the people and not the opinions with whom we need to connect.”

Listen Hand November 8^thwill come and go. However, if we use the learning to help us improve the way in which we embrace varying opinions in the work we do, we then stand to be the true winners and enhance the success of the things we work hard to accomplish. Free Listening might be the ideal sign to post in your meeting rooms. It may actually receive a LOT of votes!

Mike Dorman

Jul 20 2016

Phil Knight of Nike Fame and How He Can Influence Our Job Success … If We Let Him!

Phil Knight …

built an empire based on his vision of shoes … Nike
the man behind the ‘Just Do It’ and Air Jordon campaignsbuilt an empire based on his vision of shoes … Nike
the man behind the ‘Just Do It’ and Air Jordon campaigns
the man who will soon be retiring from the world’s #1 sports merchandising company he co-created … one that has 63,000 employees and $31 billion in annual sales.

Obviously, it didn’t happen overnight given that his first year (1964) he had $8,000 in sales and $234 in profit yet he created an institution that is described in an article in ‘Investor’s Business Daily’.

Granted, the people I know and with whom I work as a coach are not people out to build competitive shoe companies. What they often are, however, are people wanting to climb higher and higher on the success ladder … in their jobs, departments and/or businesses. And I believe you’ll find that some of the same things that drove and motivated Knight can definitely motivate us to support our desire to achieve our own climbs. I think you’ll see the connection.

#1 – His Perseverance: One of Knight’s college teachers made this point … “The cowards never started, and the weak died along the way – that leaves us.”

Of course we are all faced with competition and yet, it is only true competition to the extent that they, too, are other than cowards or weak. Many people start and some don’t have the push to prevail. This leaves a much smaller group of true competitors and sets us apart.

#2 – His inspiration: “The secret of happiness … lay somewhere in that moment when the ball is in midair, when both boxers sense the approach of the bell, when the runners near the finish line and the crowd rises as one. … I wanted that, whatever that was, to be my life, my daily life. … So that morning in 1962 I told myself: Let everyone else call your idea crazy … just keep going. Don’t stop.”

How strong is your own desire to succeed beyond all others? What is your secret of happiness that is the true motivator to enable you to just keep going and without stopping? Finding that can be the key to differentiate you and carry you to the height that you envision.

#3 – His passion: Knight was infatuated, something crucial in what drives him: “Your business has to be something you really love. Remember that there will be a lot of dark moments. You never make it overnight. You have to be prepared for the tough times. As my Stanford Small Business Management professor liked to say, “The only time you must not fail is the last time you try.”

How much do you love the job you’re doing, the field you’re in or the business you run/manage? Success is never easy however it’s the passion we feel for what we are doing that can drive us through the challenges that will undoubtedly be encountered.

#4 – His differentiation: Knight said “I don’t want to be like my competitors.” We take a lot of our culture off the athletic field. Just like with tackles and running backs, we have to have better people than the competition.”

Better people or being better than all others. What does that mean for what you do and what can you do to enhance the divide between yourself and others as our competitors?

Phil Knight believed in running. He believed that if people got out and ran a few miles every day, the world would be a better place, and he believed these shoes were better to run in. People, sensing his belief, wanted some of that belief for themselves. Belief, he decided is irresistible.

How committed are you to what you are doing and how much better do you believe you can do it than all others? As such what can you do to widen that gap to cement your belief that you are the best. As Knight said, people will sense that and want it for themselves. Vision

We all spend the lion’s share of our time devoted to the ‘doing’. The what’s, the whys and the hows dominate our attention. And yet, spending ‘Knight’ time contemplating the points above can provide an opportunity to re-establish your vision for the ‘being’ … what’s possible, what you truly want and how you intend to get there.

Mike Dorman

Jul 05 2016

Making the Best Decisions ~ Taking the Learning Out of BREXIT and Into BUSINESS

After having e BREXIT very day of the past week filled with news created by the ‘Brexit’ vote in the UK, I can’t resist the inclination to just get curious and wonder what’s the learning in this for me … for us in our work and business. With the resulting turmoil that has so many questioning the wisdom of their vote and concerned about what it will really mean, it is evident that some made purely emotion-based decisions whereas others only considered this from what appealed to their sense of logic and reasoning. The outcome is a country dealing and reeling from unintended consequences … uncertainty, fear and questions around ‘what now’?

Definitely it doesn’t have to be like this. In our jobs and being part of a team, department or management, we are often involved in decision making. And too often they are made from considering just one perspective … either the logical/reasoned one or the emotional one. Here are scenarios that you might recognize as a part of your own experience when this takes place.

Scenario I
The ivory tower occupants have made a decision about a new program for customers that will reduce the company’s waste and thus reduce costs while increasing profitability.

They call together the employee base, announce the plan and let the sales/customer service team know the message that they are to deliver. The program is of a ‘one size fits all’ nature and only one problem. The customer base doesn’t fit into one size. To the largest it represents a reduction of benefits and the emotional reaction to this was instant and loud. They’re not happy and they let it be known. The program was scrapped within a week. Wasted time, money and credibility.

Scenario II
Your best and largest customers want to do business with your company however they just didn’t want to drive to your current locations. They let it be known that if you want their business you need to open a location that was more convenient to where they live. As these were the ‘best’ customers management began an expansion program that opened 3 new locations within a year to suit their largest patrons. One year later, after responding in this way to the emotional input, the company was out of business.

Have you been involved in such situations? Too often, when this is allowed, we are forced to scramble to make needed changes in an attempt to return to smooth waters. Here is a suggested approach to minimize the need to respond to unintended consequences:

Bring people together who are familiar and work with any who will be impacted by the changes being proposed.
Each person is charged with the responsibility to present any and all perspectives that recipients of the change might possess … as if standing in their shoes.
Make alterations to the plan that will recognize and respect the variances rather than silence them and pretend they don’t exist.
Delay a final ‘vote’ until your ‘Monday morning’ (i.e. tomorrow) to allow all involved to digest the input and select the path forward based on having incorporated all critical perspectives into their personal decision.
BALANCED DECISIONS

Of course business is not like running a government trying to sell constituents on one choice or another. Rather it consists of making impacting decisions that will affect the ultimate success of an organization. Placing value on the consideration of all perspectives prior to making any decision enhances the degree of success that can be derived.

Brexit has created a messy situation that appears to be potentially costly in many ways. Perhaps a country thinks it can afford that. Few businesses can nor is it necessary if we call forth … insist on … all the voices as needed for the right decision.

Mike Dorman

Jul 01 2016

Dreaming … a complete waste of time or the path to living your life completely?

A few days ago I met with a new client who had made a decision to use the coached approach to create the movement he wanted and needed to achieve the success he envisioned in his profession. But more specific than achieving just dollars, it was related to his wanting to make the dream for his life and that of his family, become reality. Wait a minute. Dreaming? Get real you say? Stop wasting time and just do it?

I get the questions and yet I got curious and googled around because I wanted to understand the value of dreaming in the first place … that is, if there really was one. Then, what could be the potential impact it actually could have on any and all aspects of our lives? My initial finding was this must see video that, in a brief TWO minutes I predict it will give you an exciting jolt regardless of where you are in your life. http://joshspector.com/now-this-is-a-great-commercial/.

So what did you see? I know it was about life-long friends, obviously older and all suffering various ailments. Yet hopefully, you also saw people who broke out of the box in which they found themselves … trapped … and resumed living by following their dream. But take this further and into your own life.

By acknowledging and honing in on your dreams, what becomes possible that perhaps … just perhaps … we had accepted as being out of reach?
Where are you stuck in your daily routines and rituals?
What is something you need to do that is really daring and takes you out of your comfort zone at the same time is allows you to bring life back into your living.

My google search also led me to several papers written on the subject and these summations of two of them express what others reinforced.

Elizabeth Larsen said “the idea of dreaming about the future may seem pointless and if that is or has been your perspective to date, maybe it’s time you retired it. The payoff of dreams doesn’t have to be decades into the future. They can inspire ambitions, galvanize your focus, rev up your energy supply and increase your life satisfaction starting right now.”
Author Richard J Leider expressed that “Dreaming puts our less authentic priorities to shame. Once we have our highest goal in sight, we want to simplify our days and free ourselves from distractions so that we can pursue our passion with even more clarity of purpose. In this context, sacrifices become less painful. Obstacles seem less daunting. Our best abilities are sharpened, and often our sense of higher purpose unfolds.”

My new client is using coaching to forge his path to fulfilling his dream within the work arena. And, regardless of what tool you want or need to employ to do the same for yourself, dream it and you have taken the initial step to doing it. A waste of time or the path of living fully? The answer seems obvious to me. You agree?

Mike Dorman

Jun 15 2016

Muhammad Ali – A True Master Of Self-Management!

How well do you know your internal team? I’m not asking about the team you play on or your team at work. I’m asking about your personal internal team … or the voices existing within us. You might recognize them under their assumed names like The Prover, The Judge, The Pessimist, The Avoider, The Victim, The Doubter, etc. Be darned if inside team they aren’t inclined to jump out at inconvenient times during the day and our lives in general. I definitely have one of my own and have also met those of my coaching clients even before they might be aware of them. Our personal teams can be supportive of what we want to do or … readily protest loudly if where we want to go works against what they think is best for us. I know … it sounds a bit weird yet think about it. On any given day we can plan to pitch a prospective customer on a product we sell, we can plan to ask the boss for a raise or we might even be planning on asking someone for help. We are clear about what WE want to do and accomplish. Yet that voice appears (your inside team member) that cautions you, tells you don’t deserve the sale or the raise or the help – the voice that yells STOP.

Here’s the great news. We can actually learn to control the inside ‘folks’ so that what we want can happen without

being derailed by some one of the internal team members. For the past 10 days we have all seen the news about Mohammed Ali. NBC news described him as “the silver-tongued boxer and civil rights champion who famously proclaimed himself “The Greatest” and then spent a lifetime living up to the billing”. I think of him as the ultimate in self-management. In most every way what we heard him say and saw him do reflected a person who truly learned how to master his team in ways that enabled him to be the person he chose to be. This was so often evident in the ‘Ali-isms’ that he spewed very liberally such as:

If you even dream of beating me, you better wake up and apologize.’
“Not only do I knock’ em out, I pick the round.”
“It’s not bragging if you can back it up.”
“Live every day like it’s your last because someday you’re going to be right.”

So who among us doesn’t want to drink that cool-aid? Remembering that although we can’t eliminate our personal teams, we can control them, it’s really not that difficult following these 4 straight-forward steps:

First, recognize when our own goal has been hijacked by a team member. Thus, controlling our own team becomes the key to achieving our choices.

Second, we need to understand what the internal team member is trying to tell us. What is the concern of that voice?

Third, when we feel that we understand the concern, it becomes a matter of providing self-explanation of our true reasoning and the benefit that we will realize once we have achieved the goal … reasoning that we actually believe and that drives us.

Fourth, put conscious limits on how, when and where we will give any team member the ability to voice a thought, caution or concern. Remember that YOU are in charge. At the same time recognize when another team member is trying to take over.

Easy right? It actually is once, we recognize the reality that we do, in fact, have an internal team. It will take practice. The motivation is our strong desire to achieve whatever it is that is important to us. To the extent that we can learn to recognize and take control over our own, personal internal ‘teams’, we, too, can come to view ‘impossible’ in Ali’s terms … as nothing.

Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.”

Mike Dorman

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