Regardless of type or size of an organization, one challenge that permeates most, at all levels, is the tendency and willingness of people to move forward on a project, in their overall job or simply general conversation based on what they understood. We often just assume that we ‘get it’ and don’t need to or feel we have the freedom to question … whether it comes from a boss or co-worker. Unfortunately how we interpret what we heard or saw doesn’t make it correct. It’s our 
assumption rather than knowing it to be fact and that’s when problems arise … problems that often prove to be costly, cause frustration and ultimately, a general unrest within the team.
I hasten to say that this situation is far from rare. In fact, it lays at the foundation of many issues that rear their head within any company … how to have good, clear, basic and effective communication. Whose job is it to get clarification that aligns all behind the same understanding? The answer is simple. It’s everyone’s job. The organization’s ultimate desire and goal is to operate with the maximum level of efficiency and the minimum amount of rework. The employee wants to be successful in their work and be appreciated for their contribution. The starting point for this happening comes through an across-the-board effort of having clear communication and arriving on the same page of shared understanding.
Mara Vizzuitti penned an article entitled “The Poser in Checking Out Your Assumptions”th at addressed this issue. She said that “As long as we’re in relationships with others, be it in the workplace or in our personal lives, we are only going to have communication glitches. We would do well to expect them. One of the reasons for this is our propensity for making assumptions about people and events that occur around us. Most of the time, our assumptions are just plain wrong.
In other words, we’re pretty good at deciding what that ‘look’ means or what that ‘email’ means. We even assume we know what people are thinking. It is natural to make judgments, as our brains are constantly processing information. However, we make up stories about the “way he or she is” potentially creating issues with others that don’t exist. It is likely that 80 percent of conflict is based in fantasy.”
We have all experience this scenario. We see someone make a face at something we may have said and immediately we tend to make up what that means. Like … they don’t like the idea … it’s a silly one … they don’t think we know what we’re talking about … or they just disagree with us. All of this because of someone else’s look or action. And … unless we are willing to question what we saw we will not ever know that our assumptions are, in fact, true or just an erroneous a
ssumptions.
What is very important is that we be become curious and enter a communication wanting to truly ‘hear’ the response regardless of what it may be. Here are some simple ways to check out our assumptions as identified by Vizzutti:
- Ask Permission:
Can I check something out with you? - Describe the behavior:
Yesterday, I noticed you made a face while I was presenting my suggestions for moving forward … - State your Assumption:
“I assumed you were upset with what I had said …” - Ask an open-ended question: “Is this true? What were you thinking?
In making your inquiry as you seek to determine the validity of your ‘made-up’ conclusions you are going to find out one of two things: Either …
- you will find that your assumptions were just wrong and nowhere near the truth.
or … - you will determine that your interpretation is correct and you can then have open conversation to understand the other person(s) better and create how you can avoid such unintended consequences or at least minimize this in the future.
Regardless of what you discover you will then know how you should and need to proceed. Perhaps nothing other than to work to tame your imagination. Or perhaps you will need to have more conversation to understand the other person’s point of view. Just remaining satisfied that your original assumption is right will eventually impact the relationship negatively resulting in withdrawal from the other person(s). That in turn can clearly impact both the organization’s success and one’s personal satisfaction and enjoyment of his/her jobs.
Think about it. All it takes is talk … something we do pretty easily!
Mike Dorman
Author and wisdom doctor, Miguel Ruiz, MD, writes in his book, The Four Agreements, that one issue that keeps us from understanding each other is his third agreement. The third agreement is “do not make assumptions.” He suggests the problem is not that we are making assumptions, but rather that we make assumptions without knowing that we did. For example, when I just walk into a room people look at me and immediately make several assumptions about who I am. They do that because of what I look like. When these people get past my appearance and watch what I do and listen to what I say there assumptions are immediately discarded. I have to give them an opportunity to toss their assumptions before they will take me seriously. Several years ago I resolved the problem with most people by changing my appearance. Usually the first impression people have when they see me is that I have a peaceful visage and a warm smile. This gets most people past what else they see. I do my best to notice the assumptions I make about strangers and the people I know. When I notice that I have made an assumption I can use my mind to get past the assumption and tease out the truth. It is the times when I do not notice I have made an assumption that gives me trouble.