In working with organizational leaders … both collectively as a team and individually … effective communication is often involved in bridging the gap that exists between the dream of achievement and the reality of performance. The frequently asked question from one person to another after giving directions or explanations of some important issue is … “do you have any questions?”.
How many times do we hear or even say the likes of … “No. I understand”? But do we? How do we know that what one claims to understand is what the speaker wants them to understand? How do we know that we have successfully conveyed what is so clear in our head?
I read a blog post today addressing this issue and the related challenge written by Chris Forrest Harvey here. I agree with his statement that communication is” not about talking“ … rather it’s about “making sure you are understood”. And what I find is that the speaker is understood more when they accept it to be their responsibility to convey the concept, instructions, or ideas and confirm that they are understood as intended.
This area of communication comes to the surface in almost every one of our engagements. It is so time-wasting and frustrating to have conversations wherein the listener has “no questions” only to have them go down a path that is off- base. The rework that follows is costly and wasteful to the organization. If every speaker asks their listener(s) to repeat back what they have understood or if every listener will respond to what they have heard by repeating what they understand needs to be done, it provides an opportunity to clarify any aspect not conveyed or understood as success requires. It makes no difference who asks … it’s the asking that creates the magic.
Chris Harvey is right on! Effective communication is NOT about talking. It’s what we take away from what we’ve heard that makes all the difference. Why not try it in your organization at the next opportunity … today … tomorrow, and then let me know if it made a positive difference. A simple approach for simply positive results!
Mike
I teach my executive coach clients to become full-time empathic listeners. When learn to become that kind of person in a conversation, you acknowledge that it is your responsibility as a listener to make certain that you understand. You are unable to force a poor speaker to become a great listener. However, if the person talking is confused, a full-time empathic listener will help the speaker to communicate his/her ideas by listening empathically. Empathic listening is the most powerful tool of a leader. When the folks who follow an empathic listening leader they will tell you that there leader cares about them and seeks out their ideas. Some leaders falsely believe that by producing a Power Point slide show and delivering their speech flawlessly that they have done their job. However, these are the folks you are writing about who do not realize that the silence from their audience does not mean they were awed and admiring the presentation, instead the silence means that the “listeners” have no idea where to begin to ask the important questions. If one of the audience is a full-time empathic listener he/she will be able to reconstruct the presentation to benefit the speaker and the others in the audience. Listening is the Key. Speaking is a distant second place skill.
Philip, Thanks for taking the time to respond. I get the value of one being or becoming an empathic listener and I think it speaks to the importance of making certain that what the listener has understood is what the speaker intended them to understand. At the same time if both speaker and listener view it as their responsibility to make to check for that clarity, there is a big likelihood that it will, in fact, happen.
It is so easy to miscommunicate. Way too often I just assume that what I say is heard the way I intended. Thanks for shining some light on the blind spot.
I appreciate the comment Sandra, Just imagine if every person engaged in conversation saw that checking for clarity and understanding was their responsibility. How much faster might things be accomplished … without the need to retrace steps in order to correct erroneous ‘understanding’. Very glad this was helpful. Guaranteed that when you begin doing this, you’re going to like it even more!
Dear Mike,
I coach my clients to take full responsibility for being great empathic listeners because they cannot change those who are speaking to them. If the speaker is not an empathic listener, there is no way my client can change them. My theory is that if at least one person is listening (for example, my client) then there is an opportunity for real communication. However, if my client fails to listen and the speaker is not listening there is very little chance that real communication will occur. I urge my clients to do only what they can control. They can control whether they are listening with empathy. They cannot control what their boss, subordinates, children, spouse, or friend is doing.