A Coach/Leader Conundrum

Have you have had situations where you quickly noticed an employee’s mistake and were just as quick to point out the error and the solution for fixing it?

Or better yet, in your performance development discussions with individual staff members have you offered your solutions for how the employee in question might improve their performance or skills?

In this version of “Tips From The Trenches”, we will explore how coach/leaders may use questions as a development tool to inform their direct reports, versus the oft used method of telling.

For illustrative purposes, let’s begin our discussion with a simple continuum.

When engaged in either formal or informal performance development discussions with your team members, what is the primary form of speech you use to communicate with them?  Is it to TELL the individual what you believe will improve, inspire, motivate, correct, etc., them to maximize their talents and skills?  Or do you ASK questions so they may discover for themselves what they know to be true or reveal for the first time?

Let’s use the continuum.  Now being really honest with yourself and place an ‘X’ on the continuum indicating where you spend most of your time, that is either telling vs. asking.  After marking the ‘X’, what are you now aware of in this moment?  What thoughts do you have about your place along the continuum?  What examples come to mind that validate your spot on the continuum?

You may be asking yourself, why does it even matter whether I am telling or asking?

When is it necessary to tell?  Certainly some of the more important situations would be to inform about company policies and procedures or even in matters involving immediate safety concerns.  Your co-workers would no doubt appreciate you more if you told them to move away from a speeding forklift, versus asking them how much longer would they like to remain healthy.  I wouldn’t suggest the latter.

Certain kinds of professions like the military, security and police forces require much more direct, telling kinds of conversations.

When is it appropriate to ask?  The answer to this question may be even less daunting than you may think. Think of it this way.  Asking questions so that the answers will inform the respondent is like furnishing a pallet of paints, a canvas and easel to someone and letting them paint whatever they wish.  The painted images, objects or scenes are a depiction of their own experiences, imagination and creativity.

If you told them what to paint you might just as well have pushed them away from the canvas and painted your expression of what’s real or imagined on their behalf.  And having done that, what opportunity might they have missed to learn about their own self expression, creativity and self discovery?

Finally, let’s examine five B.O.L.D. reasons for asking:

1. The first point to consider is that the question (the asking) is not for you to be informed, so much as it is for the team member to self inform through their own response.  This is where true self discovery occurs, facilitated of course by your short, powerful, nonjudgmental question(s).  Focus on the person’s last few words of their response to assist you in creating the next question.  Oh, and remember to ask one question at a time. Additionally direct your attention on asking open-ended questions, i.e., questions that begin with the words who, what, where, when and how.  Avoid using the word why, as it tends to create defensiveness and focuses attention on the past.  Coaching conversations deal with what is happening today and tomorrow.
2. The second point is that asking allows the respondent to search deep in their own mind for something which they may never have otherwise considered.  Their answer may reveal an “aha” moment (a discovery that is new to them) or rekindle something they had forgotten.
3. Third, when coach/leaders are in the asking mode, they support the client/team member versus helping them.  The act of supporting engenders thoughts of enabling, empowerment, bolstering and strength.  While use of the word helping this context implies helplessness, sharing the responsibility and maybe even victim-hood.
4. Fourth, asking implies trust.  The coach/leader trusts the team member to use their innate strengths and skills to create a plan of action for self improvement and self discovery.  There is the notion here that you believe in them and what they may accomplish. 
5. Fifth, and maybe most important, create an atmosphere that fosters success and positivity.  Be relaxed; notice your body language, your breathing.  Smile and be welcoming.  Be sure to focus all of your attention on the client/team member.  Clear your mind of any assumptions or judgments about the person or situations to be discussed. This consciousness about creating a positive and relaxed atmosphere will enable you to ask questions that bring out the best.

Finally, I hope that these thoughts have provided you with a different perspective on how to approach your colleagues, direct reports and peers as you assist them in becoming more powerful and confident leaders.  I would encourage you to practice the steps that you have just read so that you may become more skilled in bringing out the best in the leaders with whom you interact each and every day.